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MoreCore Ruleset (Version 1.40 20170909). This ruleset adds features and flexibility to CoreRPG allowing you to play more game systems. This has grown from the MoreCore extension and adds a range of generic features. This ruleset coded by damned and ianmward and additional thanks to Trenloe and others for their assistance along the way. This incorporates dice rolling extensions from Ikael, DMFirmy, Trenloe, Frostbyte, Imiri, Myrddin, Sibelius, damned and ianmward. Other devs may add new roll types. You can Create a library of Rolls and you can drag Rolls into the MoreCore tab of the PC sheet and the Rolls field of the NPC sheet.
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CoreRPG ruleset v3.3.3 for Fantasy Grounds Copyright 2015 Smiteworks USA, LLC
Spanky the Conqueror twerks
When last we left off, the brave heroes had just mercilessly slain a number of Vanir and their ensorcelled giant Frost Ape companions.
They also learned of an ominous sounding "Southern Alchemist" who was making potions which allowed the Vanir to control the apes. This was very concerning to the Aesir.
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): this grassy hill reminds me of something soft and round
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): luckily we bitch-slapped that raven away
Derricka swoons from the excitement of the previous battle and the fear she had of being violated by twelve foot tall fur covered hominids.
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): ?? she was fearful? or still excited?
Svendahl: She appears to be very nipply from the cold! I shall warm her up with my thick fur blanket.
Svendahl very gentlemanly covers Derricka and puts her on a war mammoth and takes her back to the village.
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): (POLL) Seeress of the North
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): (POLL) Kill Vanir w/ Apes
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): (POLL) Find Way Home like Bitches
Grimork: Grimork likes slaughter
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): HAZAA! We have a mission!
Grimork: And yes, Grimork just spoke of himself in the 3rd person
Wulfir: Sometimes I do that when I drink enough mead.
Wulfir: So, you want to go track down the Alchemists who are ensorcelling the snow apes?
Wulfir: You should follow the trail back the way they came.
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): Wulfir! thanks for the mead!
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): Wulfir - are there any other details you can provide to us?
Wulfir: Yes, the Vanir are bad and horrible people. Their women are ugly and hideous and they raid our lands to make off with our beautiful flaxen haired women with large bosoms!
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): We will go on a quest to slay the Alchemists! is there any news or specifics of the way ahead you can provide to help us be successful
Wulfir: I believe they arrived recently. I suspect they were captured in some Vanir raid against the southern lands. The Vanir are big into slavery and raiding.
Grimork: So... Maybe we need to free the Alchemist and get them to help us back where we came from
Spanky the Conqueror (satisfied): ...wait...Wulfy...can I call you Wulfy? You said large bosoms? And they've been captured and need rescueing?
Wulfir: They are 100% evil people who should be eradicated. After all, women should be free to fornicate with whatever handsome Aesir man they want! (And sometimes even Foreigners who are hirsute enough.) I am sure the Vanir are keeping nubile Aesir women wherever they are keeping these Alchemists.
Spanky the Conqueror (drooling): We must save them!
Wulfir: Absolutely! They will be very grateful. The gratitude of Aesir Women is almost as legendary as their Stamina!
Grimork: Yes... The stolen women will reward us with their bodies
Wulfir: These is an Ancient Black Castle filled with horrors and evil that we avoid but the Vanir occupy. That can be found back down the pass these apes just traversed. Beyond that, I know very little. I am sure the Hag or the Seeress would know more.
Grimork: Ok... Which of those options is closer? Hag or Seeress?
Spanky the Conqueror (drooling): Much appreciated Wulfir - my fine young man! And with our quest I'm sure you and your village can help provide some necessary nurishment and mead for the perilous journey?
Wulfir: Hag, about a day back down the road. Seeress, somewhere in the distant north, unknown location.
Grimork: Is hag in same direction as black castle?
Spanky the Conqueror (drooling): total days to Ancient Black Castle?
Wulfir: I'm pretty sure we provided you with plenty of provisions. They are on the mammoth right over...
Wulfir he pauses, then points at the Mammoth who tripped and fell down the crevasse and died when it rolled double crit fails in combat.
Wulfir: There!
Spanky the Conqueror (determined): ...well...at least there is plenty of meat
Wulfir: True!
Grimork: Mmmmmamoth
Spanky the Conqueror (determined): luckily I have a handy haver-mule
Wulfir: The black castle is likely a two day journey. I can only go with you so far, because my religion prohibits me from going more than two days without fornication, none of you are my type, and that bastard Svendahl just left with Derricka.
Spanky the Conqueror starts to skin and butcher the carcass, then prepares for journey to Castle
Wulfir: I take my religion very seriously when it comes to these sacraments.
Wulfir hands Spanky the Conqueror a pamphlet, in case he is interested.
Spanky the Conqueror (determined): yes, yes I'll review
Spanky the Conqueror as he holds it upside down pretending to read
Spanky the Conqueror (virtuous): onward!
Wulfir guides the brave adventurers back down the pass, following the trail the giant apes left in the snow.
Grimork: rolls eyes when Spanky puts pamphlet in his codpiece
Spanky the Conqueror (virtuous): we are brace adventurers...due to the size of the codpiece
Spanky the Conqueror horny
Spanky the Conqueror happy
About eight hours later, they reach a fork where this side pass branches off the main pass. It looks like a Vanir warband went down the main pass earlier, then came back with much smaller numbers recently. They appear to be about four hours ahead of the group.
Spanky the Conqueror (horny): starts jogging
Spanky the Conqueror starts jogging while using skills to be on the lookout for ambushes and other problems
Grimork follows Spanky
Solistar: folliwng
Spanky the Conqueror (horny): I'm assuming Awareness, Survival and/or Observation is good here
With their head start, it is obvious you won't catch them before nightfall. However, you can see in the distance what looks like campfires down the pass. They must have set camp already. You will probably catch up with them a couple hours after nightfall.
Grimork ("On): the Lookout"
Solistar: Observation 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 27]
Pendaan: Athletics 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 25]
Solistar: Athletics Successes = 1 [2d20 = 19]
Grimork: Athletics Successes = 1 [2d20 = 19]
Spanky the Conqueror: Athletics 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 32]
Spanky is bravely walking straight down the pass. He never notices the trip wire that he triggers, which launches the rockslide.
Spanky the Conqueror runs faster
Grimork prepares to jump out of the way
Pendaan notices at just the last minute, and yells a warning to Spanky, who then turns around to ask, "WTF is he yelling about" which makes him completely stationary when the rocks hit him.
Spanky the Conqueror (horny): ...shit
Everyone else dodges out the way, including Pendaan, who likely feels some level of guilt about Spanky's situation.
Grimork (On the Lookout): Move!
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): what?
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): I'm so stoned right now
Wulfir: [TABLE] Combat Die = [7d6 = 18]
Solistar: now you see? next time when i say we should look for traps you should do that :)
Spanky is crushed under a pile of rocks and trapped. He feels the wind knocked out of him and is in considerable pain.
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): ...but now I've successfully blocked the evil creatures from going back to the village. HAZAAA!
Spanky the Conqueror he says weakly
Wulfir: Ah yes, those damn Vanir like to place traps to kill any who would follow them.
Wulfir: Did I forget to mention that earlier? Dammit, I knew I was forgetting something.
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): ...now he tells us
Wulfir offers Spanky the Conqueror some mead as apology.
Spanky the Conqueror sounds muffled
Grimork (On the Lookout): Pull him out by the codpiece. It's his strongest part
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): ....you're sick
Wulfir: I will pour it on these rocks and you can drink it as it drips down while your friends dig you out!
Solistar: i dont know where that shit has been
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): ...HEY!
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): it's washed in women at least weekly
About half an hour later, they are able to dig Spanky out of the pile of rocks.
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): thanks...luckily that was just a flesh wound and we are off to kill the basterds
Wulfir: Indeed! Well spoken, like a true Codpiece wearing Aesir!
Grimork (On the Lookout): I'll try to ignore the dent in your head
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): adds battle damage talking points when talking to the ladies
Wulfir: Indeed, women love scars! I have some in strategic places to prompt conversations. Kind of like Svendahl has a tattoo on his nethers. He also asks ladies if they want to see it.
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): is he from an island nation?
The group makes it to the perimeter of the Vanir camp. They have guards posted and have torches lit to provide a clear line of sight for those guards. You are able to see them at this point, but have stopped outside their vision.
Wulfir: No, he grew up on the same street I did.
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): how many?
It looks like there are 50 or so Vanir. Many appear to be injured. The raid clearly went poorly. The guards seem alert, like they are expecting an Aesir counter-attack at any time.
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): i say we wait til just before dawn when the guards are at their least attentive and ATTACK!
Wulfir: There were like 20 kids on my street. There were only 6 girls though. They were very popular, especially when we all hit about 13. Nights are very cold. There were many bidding wars and feats of strength for bedding rights.
Grimork (On the Lookout): Is there a way to have a rock slide fall on them?
Grimork (On the Lookout): Yes... I'm sure rutting season is a very exciting time in the village
They have camped in the middle of the pass, while it might be possible to scale the sides and cause a rock slide, it is unlikely to crush all of them or even block the pass. At this point, the pass is about one hundred and twenty feet wide and the torches illuminate the entire pass.
Spanky the Conqueror ensures Solistar backblast area is clear
Grimork (On the Lookout): How about we set off some noise at the far side of the camp, then come at them while they are distracted
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): best time to attack 0300-0400
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): make shawn do flash bangs at other end, and attack from the other end
Spanky the Conqueror -> Pendaan: what do you think Dad?
It gets to be around 0300 and as expected, some of the Vanir appear to be dosing off after their rigorous day of failed raiding and forced marching.
Loud snores can be heard coming from multiple points within the camp, and there are a few guards who are definitely not being very attentive.
The fires have burned down lower but the torches are still quite bright.
Pendaan: Stealth - 3EXP/3FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 25]
Solistar: Stealth Successes = 1 [2d20 = 11]
Wulfir: Obs, Insight, Theivery - 1 EXP/FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 39]
Solistar and Pendaan are sneaking towards the group when one of the guards who was nodding off wakes up and mutters something in Asgardian. Then he walks over to within a foot of Pendaan, turns his back on the camp, opens his fly and begins taking a leak. There is a nice arc streaming through the air perpendicular to Pendaan's location.
Pendaan: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-6D-Stun): [6d6 = 23]
Solistar: Melee Successes = 1 [2d20 = 18]
Pendaan: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 10]
Solistar: [3d6 = 12]
Pendaan: [1d6 = 6]
Pendaan rises up and stabs through the guy's neck. He does not decapitate him but the man is most definitely dead. He slides off the sword and into the puddle of his own urine.
Solistar helped by making sure the kidney's were empty with a dagger.
Wulfir: Obs, Insight, Theivery - 1 EXP/FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 37]
Guards hum obliviously.
Wulfir: I'm pretty sure they are harder than this normally.
Wulfir: [1d12 = 1]
Wulfir tries to count how many guards are there, runs out of fingers on one hand.
Grimork is in a runner's block stance. When shit hits fan, he will rush in
Spanky the Conqueror mimicking Grimork except bigger
Wulfir sits on Grimork and draws sword, intending to ride him into combat.
Wulfir: Animal Handling 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 36]
Spanky the Conqueror shakes head at Wulfir
Pendaan can tell the guard who is snoring loudly is pretty asleep at his post.
Solistar: Stealth Successes = 0 [2d20 = 27]
Pendaan: Stealth - 3EXP/3FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 32]
Pendaan sneaks up on the guard with Solistar's "help.
Solistar: Melee Successes = 0 [2d20 = 26]
Pendaan: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 34]
Solistar: [3d6 = 10]
Pendaan: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-6D-Stun): [6d6 = 29]
Pendaan: [2d6 = 4]
Pendaan and Solistar finish that guy off viciously. He snorts in his sleep as his last breath.
There is a clapping noise from inside the camp.
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Seriously people? Like, you thought we were stupid or something?
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: I mean, thanks for killing those two guys who clearly not paying attention.
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Anyway, CHARGE!
Spanky the Conqueror wonders if he hears someone masterbating
GM: Spanky realizes the snoring sounds might have been fapping noises.
Spanky the Conqueror (stoned): CHARGE!
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters charges at Pendaan and Solistar.
Grimork takes off at full speed. Wulfir is thrown if he is still sitting on me
Wulfir: Hey! Damn horse!
Wulfir tries "Animal Handling" on Grimork and realizes it does not work that way.
Spanky the Conqueror (erect): Wulfir - I think the big one violates your daughters
Grimork draws broadsword while charging
Spanky the Conqueror (erect): you guys should have a conversation
A hulking six and a half foot tall Vanir comes running at Pendaan and Solistar as the previously "sleeping" ones rise up and grab their weapons.
Spanky the Conqueror (erect): ...another trap?!? Did Solistar do a trap check again?
Wulfir: Egads! It is Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters! The bane of the Aesir! One of the most feared Vanir in the area. Not even our female livestock is safe from him! My sheep all walk bowlegged after his last raid.
Spanky the Conqueror (erect): ...damn
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: That is because your sheep are better than your women!
Spanky the Conqueror (erect): one who violates sheep! I'll kill him
Grimork (righteous): Die!
Spanky the Conqueror (fap-attacking): you are insufficient
Spanky the Conqueror: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 17]
Solistar: Ranged Weapons 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 22]
Pendaan: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 22]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 16]
Grimork: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 26]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 15]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Acrobatics, Stealth - 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 8]
Spanky the Conqueror (fap-attacking): Wulfir - guard against the others
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 27]
Solistar: [1d6 = 1]
Spanky runs forward to attack Haakon, who parries his attack effortlessly. Then Grimork charges and limp wristedly flings his sword in the general direction of Haskon, who deflects the blade with ease. Pendaan runs forward and Haakon continues his evasive dancing, smoothly parrying his blade. Then he realizes Solistar is going to shoot him, makes himself a very visible target, then dodges at the last second so Solistar's arrow actually hits Spanky in the back.
Solistar: Bow: (Close-2H-Volley-3d6): [3d6 = 17]
Spanky the Conqueror (righteous-fapping): excellent! Now we have your attention
Fortunately the arrow is mostly embedded in the thick furs, so Spanky does not notice the arrow sticking out of his back.
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Indeed. I look forward to your surrender.
Wulfir: I shall guard the mules and livestock!
Spanky the Conqueror (righteous-fapping): you should be looking forward to giving yourself fellacio
Grimork indignant
Wulfir runs back to where they are and leads them away from the combat where they will be safe from Haakon's depredations.
Spanky the Conqueror laughs and spits at Haakon
Grimork (indignant): Ha! It is you who shall surrender
Solistar: [1d6 = 2]
Wulfir: Animal Handling 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 39]
Wulfir attempts to engage in some Animal Handling to not spook them, rolls a 19 and a 20, and causes all the animals to run back down the pass.
Wulfir: WAIT! Come back!
Wulfir: Really, I will protect you from him, you don't need to run!
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 32]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters was evidently so busy looking like a badass and avoiding damage, he failed to roll a decent attack on Grimork.
Guards Defend Haakon!
Grimork: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 21]
Spanky the Conqueror: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 18]
Pendaan: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 15]
GM: A few guards will arrive at the end of this round, and be able to attack next round.
Solistar: Ranged Weapons 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 25]
GM: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 32]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 30]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 20]
Spanky the Conqueror is occasionally looking behind him in the event Solistar's unleashes the fury out of his ass
Spanky the Conqueror: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-5D-Stun): [5d6 = 24]
Solistar: [1d6 = 2]
Grimork: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-7D-Stun): [7d6 = 27]
Grimork: [3d6 = 9]
Spanky the Conqueror (awesome): take that vile fiend!
Spanky the Conqueror fist bumps Grimork
Spanky and Grimork reconsider their attack pattern and try something different this round. It works very well, as Haakon is skewered by both of them and there is an ugly spray of blood as he suffers multiple wounds. He is decidedly unhealthy in his current outlook.
Grimork returns bump
Solistar: [1d6 = 1]
Solistar: [1d6 = 4]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters drools and stands there in a great deal of pain.
Spanky the Conqueror points and laughs
Grimork: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 23]
Spanky the Conqueror: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 26]
Pendaan: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 8]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 22]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 30]
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 21]
Solistar: Ranged Weapons 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 33]
Spanky the Conqueror windmill's codpiece at peons
Haakon ViolatesAesirDaughters Haakon tries to dodge and parry again, successfully blocks Spanky, aborbs one of Grimork's attacks, and completely fails on parrying Pendaan.
Grimork: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-7D-Stun): [7d6 = 21]
Pendaan: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-6D-Stun): [6d6 = 22]
Grimork: [2d6 = 2]
Pendaan: [2d6 = 8]
Grimork his Haakon and knocks him to one side, conveniently right into Pendaan's sword. Haakon makes some gurgling noises as Pendaan adds the "Slayer of Haakon" achievement to his Steam Library.
Spanky the Conqueror (awesome): HAZAA!!
Guards: They killed Haakon! Get them! Revenge!
Spanky the Conqueror finishes cutting off head and presents it to stupid peons!
Spanky the Conqueror urinates on Haakon's body
Grimork (victorious): Eat steel shorty!
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-Pendaan): HAHAHAHAHA...stupid peons!
Guards: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 10]
Guards: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 25]
Guards: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 9]
Guards: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 20]
Spanky the Conqueror: Parry 5EXP/5FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 7]
Grimork: Parry 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 12]
Spanky the Conqueror: Parry 5EXP/5FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 27]
Guards: ¦¦ Broadsword (M): [7d6 = 23]
Spanky the Conqueror is using a Hero Point
Grimork: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 8]
Spanky the Conqueror: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 29]
Mroe guards will be arriving at the end of the round.
Pendaan: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 30]
Grimork: BooYaa!
Solistar: Ranged Weapons 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 32]
Guards: [1d12 = 7]
Guards: [1d6 = 3]
Grimork: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-7D-Stun): [7d6 = 17]
Solistar: [3d6 = 5]
Spanky the Conqueror: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-5D-Stun): [5d6 = 21]
Pendaan: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-6D-Stun): [6d6 = 19]
Spanky the Conqueror: [1d6 = 4]
Spanky the Conqueror: [1d6 = 5]
Grimork: [1d6 = 2]
Pendaan: [2d6 = 12]
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): take that vile fiend!
Spanky the Conqueror waves head of Haakon at remaining horde
Grimork: That's what you get #bahtoo
Pendaan, Grimork, and Spanky make short work of the guards, while Solistar flings some explosive powder behind the group and the sudden bright explosion causes the third one to throw down his weapon and run off into the night in terror.
Guards: Discipline 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 38]
Spanky the Conqueror searches bodies while horde is deciding their escape from the mighty warriors
Guards collectively wet themselves at the group of powerful adventurers and run back in the direction of Vanaheim as fast as their feet will carry them.
The defeated guards were carrying throwing axes and an assortment of broadswords and two-handed axes.
Their armor is relatively inferior to your own, and would likely only be considered scrap given the damage sustained.
Grimork: Is throwing ax better than bow?
Spanky the Conqueror picks up (2) throwing axes
Grimork picks up a pair of throwing axes
Haakon has a very nice broadsword with gold inlay in the handle and runes carved along the length of the blade. (Wulfir will tell you it is Aesir made and stolen on one of his many raids)
Spanky the Conqueror after searching Haakon's body, bandages self
Spanky the Conqueror holds up Haakon's broadsword
His armor is much nicer than the guards, but lightweight, clearly he was a defensive fighter who took advantage of his speed and combat skills.
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): Wulfir - do you know anything about this amazing blade?
Grimork: What is the background of this sword?
Solistar: Sorcery - 3EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 14]
-> Solistar: The sword definitely has a magical aura and the runes are ancient and not in a language you recognize. With enough study, you can figure out what alphabet it is.
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: so...do you want the blade, or do I get it? :)
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: I'm doing 7D6 with my current blade
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: yeah...I'm only doing 5d6
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: If it gets you closer to me, great.
Wulfir: That is one of our sacred blades typically carryed into combat by the Queen's daughter. It was stolen on a raid years ago when she was slain fighting slow apes and Vanir raiders and thought lost!
Wulfir: Notice my accent when I say "carryed" - it is intentional!
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): ...Queen's daughter huh?
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: We might need to give this back
Wulfir: Also, the apes were "slow" because I'm tired and having a hard time speaking your tongue properly!
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): ...so she'd be thankful if it was returned?
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: ... Might be ceremonial
Wulfir: The Queen's daughter is dead. I suspect her spirit might be happy about this.
Spanky the Conqueror: what is the damage on it?
Solistar: wulfir, did you catch the horses?
Grimork: So is this blade ceremonial or functional?
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): if shitstain was using it...I'd say functional
Wulfir: Yes, they were not very fast once the smell of Haakon's bestial lust was not in their noses. Also, I passed my Animal Handling check on the second try.
Wulfir: The blade is very functional!
-> Spanky the Conqueror: It is a Boardsword, it has the Piercing characteristic, which I stupidly forgot to use against you guys and would have done a crap ton more damage.
-> Spanky the Conqueror: It might also do other things, but hopefully Solistar can tell you about that.
Grimork: Ok... So we can use it for now, then return it to the Queen when we have defeated the Vanir?
Spanky the Conqueror: totally taking the sword
Solistar thinks he might need to check out the blade for a couple of hours to try and decipher the runes. Otherwise, as you loot through the camp and the bodies you find about 10 Gold worth of supplies and looted items. Although you will load down your animals a great deal if you carry all of it. If you go with a minimal increase in load, you can carry about 4 Gold easily.
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): ...yes...yes...when we've defeated ALL the Vanir
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: in about 10 years
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): is that 4 gold each?
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): damn
Solistar: Linguistics 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 30]
Wulfir: Yes, that would be an excellent use of the sword, and I'm sure no brave Aesir warriors would snicker when they realize that Spanky is using a woman's sword.
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): spend a hero point!
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): it's totally important!
Solistar is using a Hero Point
Solistar: Lore 3EXP/3FOC Successes = 4 [2d20 = 6]
As everyone is looting the camp, Solistar contemplates the sword, reviews the runes, and realizes they are Atlantean. This sword, despite its pristine and new condition, is likely about five thousand years ago. The tapered sharp edges are indicative of, as Wulfir said, a woman's blade. This one is known as, "The Lady's Reaver" and has a long and storied history as the blade of younger Atlantean princesses who were traveling the world in search of adventure.
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): I'll use the blade
He remembers vague legends of it doing crazy things like giving the wielder the ability to breathe underwater, avoid the ill effects of temperature extremes, and avoid fatigue from exertion and long marches. However, Solistar is not entirely sure how any of those would be activated. Of course, there was also some legend about a man carrying it gradually turning into a woman, and another one where the owner could achieve flight at the expense of having green skin.
-> Spanky the Conqueror: I have updated your character sheet, there are a couple things Spanky notices about the blade when he swings it about that I put on the sheet for you.
Spanky the Conqueror: The Lady's Reaver: (Reach 2-Parry 2-5d-Stun-Pierce): [5d6 = 10]
The group rests for a while, and then resumes the march towards the castle.
Spanky the Conqueror: thanks - so Pierce is 1?
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): are anyone else's nipples tender?
Grimork: Just chapped from the cold
Spanky the Conqueror (in-awe-of-me): onward!
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: still only 5d6...but with pierce
About three in the afternoon of that day, you come around a sharp bend in the pass and in the distance see the jutting outline of a brooding looking castle in the distance. Vanir banners hang from the walls, but there do not appear to be guards on the parapets. Then you realize, they are not really many parapets to speak of. Actually, the entire castle looks a bit odd to you, and fills you with a sense of forebooding and doom.
Grimork: That's nice
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: and my pecs are getting bigger
Wulfir: Right, I'm out of here!
Wulfir flees as fast as he can.
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: ...Um
Spanky the Conqueror: is my Vigor renewed?
Chappy (Grimork): In the infamous words of Steve Martin, "I could never be a woman. I'd just stay home playing with my breasts all day. "
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): yes....yes indeedy
-> Spanky the Conqueror: Yes, and Wulfir gave you a healing poultice, so you feel much better.
The tallest tower of the castle is a mere 150' off the ground, and it looks like this is more along the size of an Aquilonian watch tower than an actual castle.
However, the castle is built into the side of the mountain, and looks sturdy and imposing.
Solistar -> Spanky the Conqueror: going to some family thing of may
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): I will use my intelligence and observation skills to determine best way into the castle without being detected
Spanky the Conqueror: Intelligence - 9 Successes = 1 [2d20 = 25]
Solistar: Observation 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 12]
Pendaan: Intelligence - 7 Successes = 0 [2d20 = 21]
Grimork: [1d20 = 8]
Spanky, Pendaan, and Grimork "put their heads" together and figure out a few important things. Namely, the castle appears to be made from a single solid block of stone. At this distance there are no signs of seams, walkways, or gatehouses. In fact, they are not even sure how someone gets in this place from here.
Grimork tries to disbelieve, but isn't sure what that word means. Gives up.
Solistar quite impressively notices that there appears to be an underground entrance nearby, by carefully following the trail of the Vanir who ran off earlier. He also knows that only 20 of the Vanir went inside, and to open the door that would be hidden in the side of the mountain requires pressing your hand on a certain spot which is nicely marked by the fact there is no snow sticking to it.
Spanky the Conqueror (constipated): sweet
Solistar can also tell you that most of the Vanir who went inside were injured, it looks like the healthy ones ran further down the pass around the castle and into Vanaheim.
Pendaan: Observation 3EXP/3FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 26]
GM: Nonsense, the GM would never put two traps in the same adventure!
Spanky the Conqueror: [1d20 = 13]
Grimork: [1d20 = 2]
Solistar: Observation 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 9]
Pendaan, with the help of the rest of the group, is utterly convinced there are no traps on the door.
He is however, also convinced the door will ring a non-lethal alarm when opened. Like a doorbell. There does not seem to be any way to disable it from here.
The wind picks up and it is getting colder suddenly.
Grimork gets bored and just pushes button
You consider that if you are outside much longer, more layers will be good.
The door opens.
You hear nothing.
Grimork pulls out spear and walks inside
It looks like there is a hallway in front of you, it is rather oddly circular and about 8 feet in diameter.
Grimork uses spear as walking stick as he goes inside
No horrible fire trap kills Grimork instantly.
Grimork (On the Lookout): Let's take a look around
Grimork heads toward hallway
The tunnel slopes downward at a slight decline. Grimork is pretty certain this would make a cool rolling boulder trap.
Spanky the Conqueror (cold): searches for location of where a boulder may come out
Spanky the Conqueror: Observation Successes = 2 [2d20 = 11]
Grimork: [1d20 = 9]
Spanky notices there is indeed a spot where a boulder could roll from the left side down into the tunnel and then flatten anyone in the tunnel until it ends at some point in the darkness in front and below you.
Spanky also notices that it is dark and some sort of light source would be really handy once they get into the tunnel and lose the sunlight.
Spanky the Conqueror pulls out a torch
Spanky the Conqueror pulls out a prybar or similar object from pack to wedge spot where slide is to stop boulder
Grimork is at the edge of the sunlight and also decides, this is dark. You would think the Vanir would conveniently leave torches or something around here.
Spanky wedges the boulder into position so it will not fall on the group and kill them.
Grimork looks around for torches, sconces, braziers, etc
Grimork sees none of those things.
(Aside from the one Spanky is holding)
Grimork sidles up to Spanky so he stays in the light of the torch
Grimork (On the Lookout): Um... Spanky? Do you mind lighting the torch?
Spanky the Conqueror lights torch
Grimork (On the Lookout): Shall we continue down the tunnel?
Grimork (On the Lookout): And hopefully avoid getting sqashed?
Grimork ponders his spelling of squash. Gives up.
The group bravely heads down the tunnel. It goes straight and down about 50 feet and ends in a four way intersection. The other three tunnels leading away from the landing are only 6' in diameter, but they are also perfectly round. Clearly if the boulder was released, it would get stuck here to be reset by rolling it back up the tunnel. You are not sure how that would necessarily be achieved, but that is definitely the intent. There is no dust on the floor, so it is hard to tell which way the Vanir went once they entered this place, but turning right will head you towards the castle.
Spanky the Conqueror (cold): using his amazing Observation skills will couple that with Survival to identify best path
Spanky the Conqueror: Observation Successes = 2 [2d20 = 8]
Grimork looks for smoke marks on the ceiling to show where torches usually go
Spanky the Conqueror (so-hot): boom
Spanky, feeling cold already, notices that the cold is worse here.
Grimork notices a fine layer of soot on the ceiling of this room and also it appears it heads to the right, heading towards the castle.
Spanky the Conqueror follows Grimork
Grimork (On the Lookout): I suggest we go that way
Spanky the Conqueror (having-hot-cold-flashes): onward!
Spanky the Conqueror (having-hot-cold-flashes): usually Pendaan
Pendaan: Observation 3EXP/3FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 29]
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): we don't want to put the pussy mage at the back
From the left tunnel, a man walks into the room. He is dressed in a blue robe that...humorously...looks like it has glitter on it. He has a whitish beard down to mid chest and long flowing white hair. He is impeccably clean looking. He looks up at Pendaan and looks surprised anyone is there.
Bel-Shannaar: Oh, hello, my name is Bel-Shanaar, and who are you?
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: should we slay him?
GM: Everyone can hear him. He's not being stealthy.
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: Not yet
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): does he look like a shit-wizard or alchemist?
You would suspect he could be an alchemist or a wizard. Mostly because Spanky doubts any sane person would walk around wearing comical looking clothes like that.
Spanky the Conqueror (having-hot-cold-flashes): ah yes Bel-Shannaar - Haakon spoke of you! He has sent us to provide greater protection for the Alchemists
Grimork -> Pendaan: This is my tack: "Hello? Um we're tracking down raiders to make them pay for their crimes against the Asgardians."
Bel-Shannaar: Haakon, I have no idea who that is. But he sounds like a thoughtful and nice person.
Bel-Shannaar looks at Spanky suspiciously, a strange smile playing across his face.
Bel-Shannaar looks at Pendaan.
Bel-Shannaar: Oh, that is good to know, I of course, also mean you no harm.
Spanky the Conqueror looks back suspiciously ...not happy with strange smiles...seen those too often while carousing
Bel-Shannaar: Well, there is a decent amount of foot traffic that comes through here going that way.
Bel-Shannaar gestures in the direction you were about to go.
Bel-Shannaar: In fact, a rather beat up group headed that way a short while ago.
Spanky the Conqueror: is there a sense motive in this game?
-> Spanky the Conqueror: Yes, either Observation or Thievery if you have certain feats.
Spanky the Conqueror: just wondering if he is lying about not knowing Haakon
Spanky the Conqueror -> Pendaan: can you use your Observation or Thievery to see if this guy is lying
Pendaan: Thievery 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 31]
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): FUCK
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): well...one is good
GM: Pendaan is 100% certain this man is lying through his teeth about something, but he has no idea what.
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): so...either he is lying about meaning us no harm, or not knowing who Haakon is...lets tie him up and threaten to castrate him
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): castration is a form of persuation
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): we don't have Derrika's tits
GM: Such a huge oversight for the group! Or...sight over...or missing sight...
Grimork (On the Lookout): Are you of the Vanir?
Bel-Shannaar: Vanir? Oh, I am definitely not that.
Grimork (On the Lookout): Would you like to be somewhere else? We could arrange to protect you to your destination
-> Grimork: You notice his accent is...somewhat Argossian...but really weird.
Spanky the Conqueror: I calmly and easily pretend to go and talk to Pendaan while loosening my blade and then stick it in the basterd!
Bel-Shannaar: No, I'm quite fine here. Thanks for asking.
Grimork: Would he notice my accent also?
-> Grimork: Possibly.
Spanky the Conqueror: by surprise!
-> Spanky the Conqueror: With the new fancy sword?
Spanky the Conqueror: MUUUAHAHAHAHA
Spanky the Conqueror: but of course
Spanky the Conqueror: the one he isn't aware of
Spanky the Conqueror goes over to walk and talk with Pendaan...when all of the sudden, out flies his golden Lady's Reaver as Spanky shoves it deep into the side of the treachorous Alchemist Hedge-shit-wizard basterd who looked at him slyly
Spanky the Conqueror: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 28]
Spanky the Conqueror is using a Hero Point
Bel-Shannaar: Parry - 2 Successes = 4 [2d20 = 2]
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: see? and you didn't think I think ahead
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: ...
Spanky lunges forward with The Lady's Reaver, clearly preapred to skewer the odd old man. Interestingly, the odd old man sidesteps the attack and lands a sharp blow on Spanky's arm, numbing it and causing him to drop his sword. The man then flips the sword with his foot, catches the blade with his hand, and offers it hilt first back to Spanky.
Bel-Shannaar: I think you dropped this.
Spanky the Conqueror (having-hot-cold-flashes): thanks good man...luckily you moved when I tripped over this uneven ground
Bel-Shannaar: Indeed. You should be careful, this could be very dangerous in the wrong hands.
Spanky the Conqueror (blushing): heh
Spanky the Conqueror (blushing): agreed
Spanky the Conqueror (swaggering): luckily I know how to use it
Bel-Shannaar rolled double 1s on that parry. There goes all my luck for the night. We should stop now.
Bel-Shannaar: Yes, I'm sure you do.
Bel-Shannaar: Anyway, what brings you here, as you are clearly not from around these parts.
Spanky the Conqueror (swaggering): oh...you know...to kill the Vanir
Spanky the Conqueror (swaggering): they've taken succulent...err...women prisoners...we must free them
Bel-Shannaar: Ah yes, that sounds like the impetuousness of youth.
Grimork (On the Lookout): We are here primarily to stop the attacks against the Asgardians
Spanky the Conqueror (horny): impete...impeteuou...what
Spanky the Conqueror (horny): err...by that he meant the Aesir
Grimork (On the Lookout): Your accent reminds me of my homeland, but I can't place it
Spanky the Conqueror (feeling-smart): :)
Spanky the Conqueror (feeling-smart): we're barrel-riders
Bel-Shannaar: Curious, very curious.
Spanky the Conqueror (feeling-smart): lots of barrels of beer in Ophir
Bel-Shannaar: Yes Grimork, I noticed your accent was different than the others.
Bel-Shannaar: Really? Ophir you say. I do enjoy a good pint.
Spanky the Conqueror (feeling-smart): that's just due to the scar on his mouth
Bel-Shannaar: Hmm...really?
Spanky the Conqueror (bored): yeah, rough carousing night
Bel-Shannaar: Ah yeah, beware of drunken contracts drawn in blood, things like that.
Spanky the Conqueror (bored): anyway, anything you can tell us about this place...and why you are in it...obviously you don't need protective services such as ours
Grimork (On the Lookout): Um... How do you know my name?
Bel-Shannaar: Well certainly, I can tell you a great many things about it.
Bel-Shannaar looks at Grimork.
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): shit...contracts...
Bel-Shannaar: Clearly your memory is a bit lacking when the alcohol content gets too high. We have met before.
Grimork (shyly): Yeah... I black out sometimes
Jason (Spanky the Conqueror): he must be a genie...where's his bottle?
Spanky the Conqueror (Hot-n-Bothered): only when he tries to keep up with me
Grimork: Maybe you would remind me?
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: really? you want that contract?
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: he will take your soul!
Bel-Shannaar: For instance, this castle is ancient. It predates the time when the waters drank Atlantis. The visible portion about the mountains here are solid, crafted of magic from single molded stones.
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: too late for that. I apparently agreed to something. Might as well know what
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: I'd ask if we can kill him again...but he may have caught on to my last attempt that I so eloquently played off
Bel-Shannaar: In fact, these tunnels, you may have guessed, and not even designed for humans. Hence the odd shape.
Spanky the Conqueror (Hot-n-Bothered): ...hmm, so you can tell us more about my trusty sword?
Bel-Shannaar: Oh, and should you find doors with odd knobs in the middle of the door, those are original. They will be the circular ones.
Bel-Shannaar looks at Spanky.
Bel-Shannaar: The Lady's Reaver?
Spanky the Conqueror (Hot-n-Bothered): yes, but I've come up with a new name for it
Bel-Shannaar: Hmm....I am not sure it will like that.
Grimork: What would require a round tunnel like these
Bel-Shannaar: And she has quite the mind of her own.
Spanky the Conqueror (Hot-n-Bothered): lots of balls
Bel-Shannaar chuckles.
Spanky the Conqueror (Hot-n-Bothered): she knows I'm good looking, so she likes me
Bel-Shannaar: Well, if, in say, about four weeks time you begin suspiciously having cramps in your abdominal area, it may not be something you ate.
Spanky the Conqueror (professional): I know right...that just means more beer is required
Bel-Shannaar: Precisely.
Spanky the Conqueror (professional): ...wait...what?
Spanky the Conqueror (confused): in any case, anything else you can tell us about this place we should be aware of....of great traveler of high esteem and wisdom
Bel-Shannaar: For your immediate needs, I would say it is important for you to know that sometimes it helps to hold her against your bare skin, and if you need to be underwater, you should consider holding her in your right hand.
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: totally awesome - right?!
Spanky the Conqueror (confused): uhm...I don't wear gloves - isn't that holding her against my bare skin? you've seen what I'm wearing right?
Grimork: Seems like you'll be happy out of the cold weather and in your normal garb (e.g. codpiece only)
Spanky the Conqueror (confused): thank you good man! if there is some way I can repay you in the future for your information, just let me know
Bel-Shannaar: you may do with that information what you will. In the interim, I believe the women and the two captured Stygians you seek are in the direction you were heading, and in the basement of the castle.
Spanky the Conqueror (confused): captured Stygians?
Spanky the Conqueror (confused): what the hell is a Stygian?
Bel-Shannaar: Oh, I'm sure you and Grimork, as well as the rest of your companions, will likely be paying off your debt for quite some time.
Grimork: Ok... Do you know how the Vanir are controlling the Apes?
Bel-Shannaar: Well, the last time I was there, Stygians were serpent people worshiping the pantheon of Set.
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: what the hell did you get us into with your drunken gambling this time?
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: If I could read it I would tell you
Bel-Shannaar: However, these seem to be tame humans professing to be servants of the serpent folk.
Spanky the Conqueror (disgust): snakes?!? ...I hate snakes
Spanky the Conqueror (disgust): they don't have any feet...and MOVE...not natural
Bel-Shannaar: Vanir? If you mean the humans holding the women and Stygians hostage, I would say they are using the compulsion powder the Stygians are brewing.
Bel-Shannaar: To be honest, I'm not sure if the Stygians are helping willingly or being forced.
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: whew! thank gawd we found out who the alchemists are before doing anything rash
Grimork -> Spanky the Conqueror: Yes. Very good. Carry on.
Bel-Shannaar: In any case, good luck storming the castle.
Spanky the Conqueror (lucky): Luck? who needs luck! Our dynamic and skills will win hte day
Campaign saved.