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MoreCore Ruleset (Version 1.40 20170909). This ruleset adds features and flexibility to CoreRPG allowing you to play more game systems. This has grown from the MoreCore extension and adds a range of generic features. This ruleset coded by damned and ianmward and additional thanks to Trenloe and others for their assistance along the way. This incorporates dice rolling extensions from Ikael, DMFirmy, Trenloe, Frostbyte, Imiri, Myrddin, Sibelius, damned and ianmward. Other devs may add new roll types. You can Create a library of Rolls and you can drag Rolls into the MoreCore tab of the PC sheet and the Rolls field of the NPC sheet.
Type /dicehelp to see Dice String info in game.
Type /morecorehelp to access the MoreCore User Manual in game. http://www.diehard-gaming.com/mchelp.html
Fantasy Grounds Theme Extension - Conan 2d20 Theme V3.1 by Jolly. More great resources at http://www.thejollygm.blogspot.ca
CoreRPG ruleset v3.3.3 for Fantasy Grounds Copyright 2015 Smiteworks USA, LLC
Spanky the Conqueror: bonus EXP to all who read this :)
Derricka: Neat, I guess?
Derricka: ohhhhh
Spanky the Conqueror: everyone wants more experience with me :)
Derricka: I may be the only characer who can read
Spanky the Conqueror: Shawn says he'll be on in about 10 min
GM: Okay experience points have been issued. Then I'll adjust gold for Upkeep on everyone.
GM: Okay, everyone roll 2d20 for your Carousing event.
Derricka: [2d20 = 22]
Spanky the Conqueror: Brad - did you create a temp character for Jeff? Shawn was saying he might join...but shawn being shawn he might not have said
Spanky the Conqueror: [2d20 = 13]
Pendaan: [2d20 = 21]
GM: Yes, Haakon is the special guest character for Jeff.
Spanky the Conqueror: ahh, ok, I figured
Spanky the Conqueror: Derricka will like Jeff...he's a kinky Korean...right up her alley
Spanky the Conqueror: Brad - when do we go through the process to re-set Vigor, Wounds and Trauma?
Spanky the Conqueror: we need to rub Derricka's boobs how many times and say a couple Hail Mary's or something?
GM: Right now. I'm taking rolls in the order they happened. So Derricka goes first. :
Derricka: Roger
Spanky the Conqueror: ...boobs always go first...
GM: Absolutely.
Okay, Derricka is able to recover her wounds and trauma, and while recovering from her experience, makes friends with a shabby looking young man, who it turns out is actually the son of a nobleman who uncontrollably flirts with her.
Spanky spends an insane amount of money feeling way better about the world (which somehow is how he recovers wounds) and then goes crazy at a local festival where he wakes up every morning in a pile of hay, surrounded by drunken women and his codpiece protected area itches like it has fleas.
Spanky the Conqueror: Resistance 3EXP/3FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 19]
The itching sensation goes away after a couple days.
Pendaan gets drunk with Spanky, but on day 3 of Spanky's festival activities, he wakes up in a nearby barn next to a cold, bloody corpse. It looks like the young man who was flirting with Derricka. Pendaan does not remember stabbing the man repeatedly, but it sure looks like he did. Pendaan runs for the hills.
Spanky the Conqueror: [2d20 = 26]
Grimork gets drunk with Spanky also, wakes up two days later with a splitting headache, and a partial copy of a sheepskin paper scrawled in a language he cannot read written in what looks like his own blood.
Solistar: [2d20 = 23]
Solistar has a rather tame time spent studying scrolls and trying to figure out how he caused the massive torrents of fire to fly from every orifice. He does have to spend an extra gold from his limited reserves to account for buying a custom pillow and saddle for his buttocks, as they are amazingly tender and puckered following the fiery explosion.
ALL RIGHTY THEN - ON WITH THE MADNESS
GM: So the carousing actions we went over happen after the events described below, they cover what happens when you get to the village about the be described to you.
When last we left our intrepid adventurers, they had just appeared on a green hill after surviving a harrowing journey through a darkened mine, followed by a drastically more harrowing experience caused by Solistar using magic.
Pendaan: What does the Jade Pendant of Elzemoz do and will is stack with the Hamsa Pendant?
As they look at the 3' long amber rod, oozing and dripping a greenish slime, which Spanky and Grimork are clutching in a slightly disturbing way...they realize they are not alone. At the base of the hill is a caravan of a dozen wagons guarded by a number of tall blond warriors clad in heavy mail.
A pair of tall, blond haired men in scale mail with horned helmets, shields, and axes slung over their backs walk up the hill towards the group.
Svendahl: See Wulfir, I told you the Hag was right. She said they would appear on the ten day.
Wulfir: Svendahl, she said the eight day, stop being an optimist.
Svendahl: Well, she does not count well after losing three of her fingers, I usually give a few extra days for good measure.
The one called Svendahl raises an arm in greeting, “Hail strangers, we were told to meet you here and take you to our Voelundr. The Hag said you would be able to solve their issue.”
Wulfir: For introductions, I am Wulfir, this is my cousin Svendahl. We are from Skara, in southern Asgard. It is a few days walk from here. You look the worse for wear, but we have supplies in our wagons and there are rest camps along the way. You are welcome to ride in the wagons for now.
Solistar: how do i see what my armor is for each of my parts? *chest, pants and such)
GM: It's the number in parentheses on the inventory sheet.
Svendahl: I don't mean to be insulting, as I am unfamiliar with the ways of you southerners, but you have a large dripping rod that two men are gripping quite....firmly.
Wulfir: Perhaps they will help the Hag with her rod issue?
Svendahl: I don't think it works that way.
Spanky the Conqueror: `how Haggish are we talking here?
Wulfir: I think she has leprosy.
Spanky the Conqueror: too Haggish
Svendahl: No no, it's called "sorcery"
Spanky the Conqueror: from Grimork - Griping and stroking the rod heals all wounds
Spanky the Conqueror: from Grimork - better than what Pendaan did with a dead body
Spanky the Conqueror: from Grimork - the oozing is natural...it just happens with a bit of rubbing
Svendahl: Again, I do not know all the things you southerners do, but if you could keep that away from our livestock, women, and probably men that would be good.
Derricka: I believe you're supposed to stop when it starts oozing, otherwise you get a rash
Wulfir nods at Derricka.
Wulfir: Yes, I had a rash once, but it went away after I let it air out. Also, as a woman, are you comfortable with what these men are doing with this rod thing?
Svendahl: Wulfir, don't look, you may go blind.
Derricka: I'm not terribly comfortable with anything these men do.
Derricka: Although I've tried talking them off the cliff many times, as you can see... it's not terribly effective
Svendahl: Which way off the cliff?
Derricka: with these guys, EVERY way...
Wulfir: Right, so it is five days to Skara. You look injured, you should try to drink these honey mead droughts.
GM: (This is how you all recover your wounds during the Carousing stage.)
Svendahl: Yes, we get these honey mead droughts from a Seeress who wanders the northern wastes. She visits Skara every couple years. They are quite rare and difficult to come by.
Solistar: [1d20 = 4]
Solistar: [1d20 = 5]
Solistar: [1d20 = 17]
Solistar: [1d20 = 3]
You arrive in the village of Skara, population of about 500. The inhabitants come out to greet you and the incoming wagons.
Spanky the Conqueror: you're wasting all of your good roles
Villagers: Yay! The ones the Hag told us about are here!
Villagers cheering.
Solistar: i had to make my dice pretty
Spanky the Conqueror: Greetings peasants! We are here to save you from your alcoholic tendencies, and ensure your women and livestock are safe
As you are chatting with Wulfir and Svendhal during your journey, you discover that you are somewhere in the far distant north.
Based on your incomplete map of the world, you discover you are in Asgard.
Shield Maiden Helga Giantbosomsdaughter points at Spanky.
Shield Maiden Helga Giantbosomsdaughter: You, I want you to have your way with me! Your codpiece is amazing.
Spanky the Conqueror nods in agreement
Villagers: Woohoo!
Spanky the Conqueror makes a pose
Villagers: We shall have festival with massive amount of drinking and carousing tonight!
Grimork: I will wrap the amber rod in the travel clothes that I never wear
Villagers: PARTY!
Spanky the Conqueror partial windmill
-> Grimork: Good plan.
Spanky the Conqueror: first thing your mind goes to is escargo?
After several days of carousing, which ends with Derricka losing out on a potential money source thanks to Pendaan's murderous rage, the group is called together by the village leader.
Huscarl Fingolsson: Greetings strangers from afar.
Spanky the Conqueror: Greetings little strong man
Huscarl Fingolsson: We are a village of smiths and crafters, who supply the local tribes with quality iron goods. Unfortunately, we are on the border between Asgard and our hated foes, the Vanir.
Huscarl Fingolsson: As the Voleundur caste, it is our duty to protect these secrets of iron and smithing.
Spanky the Conqueror: right...we agree...what secrets?
Grimork: <Braaaap!> Better out than in. Hail!
Huscarl Fingolsson: <braaaap!> Hail!
Huscarl Fingolsson claps Grimork on the back in approval at his appropriate greeting.
Spanky the Conqueror shakes head
Grimork Gives all a hearty smile
Huscarl Fingolsson: There is a Vanir raiding party coming, but they have somehow tamed a number of the giant snow apes who live in the mountains. Our people will not fight these creatures, so we need your help. The Hag told us you would come to fight these monsters.
Spanky the Conqueror pokes Grimork's gassy belly
Grimork: Is it unlucky to fight apes?
Spanky the Conqueror wonders if the hag is who gave him the itching...
Wulfir: The Snow Arps are sacred to the Asgardian Gods, to strike one down is sacrilege. Although, normally they dpn't try killing us, so it's a bit of a grey area when it comes to the "getting in Valhalla" part.
GM: APES not ARPS
Spanky the Conqueror: I love ARPS!
Spanky the Conqueror: I don't like feces
Spanky the Conqueror: if they fling poo at me, are we ok to fight back?
GM: FBP = Feces Broadcast Protocol
Spanky the Conqueror: I don't want to be sacrilegious
Wulfir: Yes, that is why we have you here. If you kill them, it won't hurt our chances of getting into Valhalla.
Spanky the Conqueror: oh good
Wulfir: The Hag assured us it was so.
Spanky the Conqueror: luckily I'm already guaranteed a place in Valhalla
Svendahl: I still think I can stab them if they try to eat me first.
Wulfir: That's a bit of a grey area, we've asked the priests on Haakonsburg, but we did not get a response back.
Grimork: Ah... Ok... Then you'll take care of the Vanir's and we take care of the apes?
Spanky the Conqueror: right then...so we are more than happy to help those in need, but what assistance can you offer us on this quest of yours and our undertaking it
Huscarl Fingolsson: Exactly. Of course, if you want to stab Vanir and in other ways kill things we won't stop you. Just remember to stab the Vanir and not the Asgardians.
Grimork: Are the apes flamable? We have a specialist with us
Wulfir: The Vanir have red hair, we have blond. It's kind of like "skins and shirts" in dodgeball.
Spanky the Conqueror: are they wearing different robes, furs or codpieces so we can tell them apart?
Svendahl: I would assume they are flammable if you can create fire near them.
Spanky the Conqueror: perhaps red and blue?
Derricka: Sounds like a perfectly reasonable start to a grudge
Spanky the Conqueror: red heads are generally hot tempered and nasty...oh...sorry Derrika...present company excluded
Wulfir: Who said anything about hair color as grudges? The whole source of the war was because they insulted our great great great grandmother of the current queen by suggesting she was a paltry "C" cup, when she was in fact a "D"
Svendahl: In paintings, she is typically portrayed as a Double D though.
Spanky the Conqueror: is there a great great great granddaught we can judge against?
Wulfir: Possibly, but not here. She is in Haakonsburg.
Spanky the Conqueror: I'm a very good judge of muffins and cup sizes
Svendahl: She has double Ds, I checked to make sure.
Spanky the Conqueror: right...so ...we're off to Haakonsburg first then
Grimork: A cousin would also be acceptable
Derricka: Yup, sounds like a field trip
Derricka: I mean, Science and stuff, right?
Spanky the Conqueror: totally
Wulfir: No no, the Vanir and Snow Apes will be here before you can go there and come back. You will need to carouse in Haakonsburg AFTER saving the village.
Spanky the Conqueror: ...see point made above
Spanky the Conqueror: we have no problem taking on a quest...but...what can the villagers do to help support us to complete this quest for them...
Svendahl: Plus, we have plenty of D cups here which can be pillaged. Also, I am willing to let Derricka check out my two handed sword of extreme female enjoyment. Or we have many donkeys and horses if that is more her thing.
Villagers offers a large choice of farmer's daughters to Spanky.
Spanky the Conqueror: Derricka and Donkeys...
Derricka: None of those things sound like my thing.
Spanky the Conqueror scratching still...eyes the farmer's daughters askance
Grimork thinks, "mmm, farmers daughters"
Huscarl Fingolsson: We have money, fine quality metal goods, and of course, you are welcome to enjoy our hospitality without cost while you are here.
Villagers offers Derricks some farmer's sons.
Spanky the Conqueror: nice armor is always nice.
Spanky the Conqueror: or a codpiece of disarming
Grimork: Yes... Something scarier than this broadswoard would be quite good
Huscarl Fingolsson: I am certain I can arrange a suitable scary implement of destruction for you.
Svendahl: Perhaps a letter opener of hangnail removal?
Grimork steeples fingers and taps them together
Spanky the Conqueror starts carousing the goods...puts the > D cups in one spot, then starts reviewing weapons and armor in another spot, to be showcased by the girls in the first group while drinking his mead
Grimork: Excellent
Wulfir: Nail clippers of Vengeance, I understand Southerners have poor hygiene.
Svendahl: Bars of soap?
Spanky the Conqueror: huh? we havae poor hygiene?
Villagers dutifully follow Spanky's instructions.
Spanky the Conqueror backs to itching
Grimork: Soap? That's for girls
Svendahl: I notice this is asked by the men who stroke oozing green rod things.
Wulfir shudders.
Huscarl Fingolsson hands out improved armor and weapons to those who can use them.
Huscarl Fingolsson: After all, if you are defending the Voleundr smiths, you should carry their gear into battle.
Wulfir: Yes, it would be embarrassing if you died or shat yourselves at the sight of the first ape.
Svendahl: Hey now, I bet 3 Gold at least two of them would SHAT themselves. Don't mess with the betting pool.
Wulfir: Oh, did I say something?
Wulfir looks innocent.
Huscarl Fingolsson sighs.
Spanky the Conqueror glares at Svendahl and Wulfir
Svendahl: The Hag is in her hut, we passed it on the way here. It is about a half day out of town.
Wulfir: Yes, you are welcome to visit her, she is wise in the ways of many things, but she cannot make those honey mead droughts.
Svendahl: Which is unfortunate.
Spanky the Conqueror loads up several barrels of honey mead droughts on his pack horse
Spanky the Conqueror: if we can prove that Solistar flings poo better than the apes, will they think he is a godd?
Wulfir: No, they will merely try to mount him.
Spanky the Conqueror shudders
Spanky the Conqueror: that's dirty...even for an ape
Svendahl: Yes, they are notorious for wanting to procreate by fornicating with Asgardian and Vanir women.
Wulfir: Maybe Derricka would be of interest?
Svendahl: Possibly, as an exotic option? Curious.
Derricka: sswIt doesn't sound like a solid option to me though
Wulfir: Yes, Derricka, you should wear pig's blood to mask your feminine nature.
Wulfir: It's what all the shield maidens do if there is a risk of fighting Snow Apes.
Spanky the Conqueror: do they impregnant the Asgardian women?
Grimork: That's what she does at Prom
Svendahl: If they get the chance.
Wulfir: I like Proms, they are quite fun.
Spanky the Conqueror: so...not apes...more humans...perhaps Cro-Mag men
Spanky the Conqueror: so...our attack plan is to send out Derricka nekkid, then then the apes come to procreate, we attack and kill them
Derricka: Still not feeling this plan.
Grimork: Neanderthal's have been known to want to interbreed, but you wouldn't normally see them this far north
Huscarl Fingolsson: The Snow Apes would are ferocious creatures, typically up to 12' in height and weighing as much as two horses.
Grimork: The snow will warm you right up
Spanky the Conqueror wonders if Wulfir was a product of said procreation
Huscarl Fingolsson: They can use weapons, and are known to favor spears and thrown rocks. In battle, they will let out a terrifying yell which can unman many people.
Huscarl Fingolsson: They can also go berserk and will work themselves into a frothing rage that results in limbs being torn limb from limb.
Huscarl Fingolsson: I mean, "people" are torn limb from limb.
Grimork: Any vulnerabilities we should know about?
Wulfir: They don't like being trampled by Woolly Mammoths.
Svendahl: Yes, I saw that, it is very true!
Grimork: Have you tamed any of those?
Wulfir: Nope, that is something the herders and hunting tribes do.
Grimork: I will ride one like a horse and use it to joust with apes
Svendahl: Yes, we are Voleundr, we do not do something as basic as training Mammoths.
Wulfir: There are tribes in the area, we are discussing with them for mutual defense.
Grimork: Ok... Can we get a picket line set up?
Grimork: What are the basic defenses of the village?
Svendahl: They are in the area, some of their wise men visit the Hag, perhaps you can observe good Fortune.
Spanky the Conqueror: ...I vote to let Solistar make the hag smile
Wulfir: We have an 12' stockade with defensible towers and a motte around it.
Grimork: I will ride one like a horse and use it to joust with apes
Spanky the Conqueror: he may be tied up inappropriately...and bent over a chair...but she might use some lamb oil to ease it in
Huscarl Fingolsson: Yes, against normal Vanir raids, our defenses are quite good. Snow Apes can merely jump the walls, but we have not had to deal with one in a long time.
Huscarl Fingolsson: And the last time, we placated it with a mead honey drought and some music.
Wulfir: And we fed it an entire cow.
Svendahl: Don't forget your sister shaking her ass at it to calm it down.
Spanky the Conqueror: points to above - loads up pack horse with honey mead
Spanky the Conqueror: 12'
Wulfir: Bastard! You are merely upset because she continues to remark to this day that "Hung like a Snow Ape" should be a common phrase.
Huscarl Fingolsson: There are only 3 droughts of honey mead left.
Huscarl Fingolsson: We cannot use them on Snow Apes.
Grimork: (POLL) Head out to Hag's hut with Solistar
The group arrives (with Wulfir and Svendhal in tow) at the Hag's hut. It is a large round thatch and waddle hut. Smoke rises from a chimney. A trio of scrawny donkeys are outside.
Spanky the Conqueror: if we walk in and he is in an awkward position...we all back out slowly
The door is open and an almost crazed cackle comes from inside.
Spanky the Conqueror shakes head "not going in there"
When you walk in, it looks like Solistar arrived perhaps a minute before you did, and is still fully clothed. You see no sign of other people, such as the rumored herders or hunters.
Grimork pulls up socks and heads inside
Wulfir: The huntsmen are typically nearby, Svendahl and I shall go see if we can find them and come back shortly. Good luck!
Wulfir and Svendahl leave.
Spanky the Conqueror whispers to Grimork - that's because they dont' want to be penetrated by the hag
Spanky the Conqueror guards the horses and mead
Inside the hut is a completely disheveled array of bones from a variety of animals, a horrifying array of smells from any number of putrid sources, and a thick heady smoke that is like someone is burning bricks of marijuana in a roaring firepit.
Clay jars labeled in runes indicate collections of all sorts of body parts.
Grimork is hungry and is not sure why
There is what looks like, a pile of brownies, on a rickety table near the entrance.
Spanky the Conqueror cackles outside
At the edge of the fire, cackling wildly while staring at you, is the Hag.
The crone has three fingers that are reduced to burning stumps, smoke rises from them constantly. Her skin is mottled and pock marked. When she looks at you, a purplish tongue covered in sores flicks in and out of her mouth like a snake tasting the air.
The Hag: Yes, HAHAHAHAH! You have come from far to visit me? HAHAHAHAHA
Spanky the Conqueror: lady? WTF
Grimork rolls eyes
Solistar: how shall i address you miss?
The Hag: Undress? You want to undress me? Excellent! Bend over that table!
The Hag laughs.
The Hag: Oh, address?
The Hag: Yes, you may call me Ynira.
Solistar: i was hoping you might be able to help me learn new magic
Solistar: unira
Solistar: ynira
Ynira licks lips.
Spanky the Conqueror: don't offend her you cad! call her by her proper name
Ynira: Oh, of course, I can teach much magic, but you must first please me.
Spanky the Conqueror: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Svendahl shudders, and is not even in the room.
Solistar: i have a flask of alcohol?
Wulfir shats himself, and is not in the room.
Ynira: Great, that will help me a lot, and I was thinking of putting a bag over your head also.
Spanky the Conqueror was Svendahl counting himself in the shatting? if so, he just cheated
Ynira: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Solistar: what would be the magic and what do you have in mind?
Grimork sits down to keep from falling if he passes out
Solistar: Sorcery - 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 16]
Grimork: Resistance 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 13]
So far everyone in the room seems quite buzzed and happy.
You feel no strange compulsions at this time.
Ynira: I can teach you the ways of traveling the world outside of your body, and see that which is hidden.
Spanky the Conqueror: looks around the countryside
Solistar: i like it
Spanky sees lots of trees, snowy mountains, and is very impressed with the Scandinavian view of the world.
Solistar: so whats the price?
Spanky the Conqueror: I love large mounds
Solistar i hope these guys know I'm taking a big one for the team here just to help tehj party some more
Spanky the Conqueror: ...hint...I believe she mentioned you bent over a table
Ynira: You must find a cure for the illnesses caused by my sorcery, or take them for yourself. HAHAHAHAHAHHAA
Solistar: is there an advance pay option?
Solistar: magic now to help me find your cure? :)
Spanky the Conqueror: Solistar will gladly pay you 2 dollars on Tuesday for a hamburger today
Grimork: What is it that ails you?
Ynira: Sure, you can contract all of my illnesses and when you find a way to cure them yourselves, come back and I will trade you magic for the cure.
Solistar: is there anything you can assist us with now without getting your illness?
Ynira: I have dabbled too deeply in dark powers and my physical body has been crippled by that which humanity was not meant to know.
Ynira: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Solistar: also do you have any ideas on how i can cure you?
Spanky the Conqueror: you meant curse I believe...more so than she is now
Grimork: How old are you Ynira?
Ynira: Well, I've tried all the lore of the northmen, and nothing works. Perhaps either the Seeress of the North or something in the great libraries of the south can help.
Ynira: I have seen thirty eight winters.
Ynira: HAHAHAHHAHA
Ynira looks like she is fast approaching ninety.
Grimork is using a Hero Point
Grimork: I recognize the smell of the drugs in the room. It is the last thing I remember before going into a trance. During the dreaming I saw Solistar reading an incantation to make a woman healthy and young again. I awoke with this skin covered with the incantation
Grimork: or at least part of it
-> Grimork: Works for me...but the skin, as it is a partial, does not have the whole incantation (Solistar will need to figure that out himself) and well...there is still the question of where you got the skin from. ;)
Grimork: I recognize the smell of the drugs in the room. It is the last thing I remember before going into a trance. During the dreaming I saw Solistar reading an incantation to make a woman healthy and young again. I awoke with this skin covered with the incantation, or at least part of it.
Ynira looks at Grimork.
Solistar: Sorcery - 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 12]
Solistar recognizes the inscriptions as Acheronian, and he is familiar enough with them to be able to read them, however, it seems like he only has 3/4 of the ritual needed to achieve the desired result.
Ynira: I cannot read the strange script, but if it works, then I shall gladly teach you the magic I know.
Ynira: In the mean time, strange man...
Ynira looks at Grimork.
Ynira: Do you have questions of me?
Solistar: can you offer us any assistance for our journey before we leave?
Ynira: Yes, I can, sorcerer.
Ynira hobbles over to her shelves and retrieves a few clay jars.
Ynira: Here, you will need these for your alchemical experiments. Also, I can tell from the smell you use too much sulfur in your Hamsa Pendants, it will be weak against fire.
Ynira hands jars to Solistar.
Solistar: How did the Vanir tame the snow apes?
Ynira: They ensorcelled them through the use of herbs and potions thought lost. They have an alchemist from a distant southern land captured in one of their coastal raids.
Ynira: He is changing the balance of power in the area.
Spanky the Conqueror -> Grimork: ...shit...now Brad can see us talking about him
Wulfir brings a group of hunters back to the Hag's Hut.
Svendahl: We found these people who have mammoths.
Grimork: Is there a particular weakness of the apes that we can exploit? Fear of fire, or some such?
Hunters: Yodie yodie nobu nobu!
Grimork: Excellent! My mount has arrived!
Ynira: They are afraid of mammoths, and possibly fire, if you can keep one lit around them.
Grimork gets up and trots outside to see mammoths
Wulfir: So they tell me they have a few mammoths, but they are skeptical of how you plan to use them.
Hunters pantomimes Spanky trying to fornicate with a Mammoth.
Spanky the Conqueror pantomimes not fornicating with Mammoth...but with large breasted huntress
Svendahl: Yes, evidently southerners like to point baby mammoths towards cliffs, as it makes them push back harder.
Wulfir shudders.
Hunters scratches head, thinks Spanky is offering to fornicate with them.
Hunters: Eetil woop wopp deet!
Spanky the Conqueror slaps face in disgust
Wulfir: He says you are not his type, but his brother from the west coast would be very interested in someone with your rugged manliness.
Grimork sees side conversation and tries to quietly move around group
Spanky the Conqueror: ...bleh
Solistar: do you know where the source of the monkey menace is?
Spanky the Conqueror: how tall are the mammoths?
Spanky the Conqueror: hahahaha....monkey menace...that is rich!
Solistar: where they do the experaments with alchemy and such
Ynira: He is being held in a Vanir fortress on the other side of the mountains.
Spanky the Conqueror: his name is Bob...bob is all about menacing monkeys
Ynira: A whispering wind told me about him. HAHAHAHAHHA
Spanky the Conqueror: that was me passing gas...sorry
Wulfir: The mammoths are 18' tall at the shoulder.
Svendahl: They are hung like a mammoth!
Solistar: can you give me directions to the fortress?
Grimork -> Solistar: Blow in her ear and she'll follow you anywhere
Ynira: Take the western passes and find good shelter at night.
Spanky the Conqueror: wonders who has the squeaky chair?
Grimork: (POLL) Defend village
Spanky the Conqueror: (POLL) Beat the Monkeys
Solistar: (POLL) does spanky fuck a mammoth
Wulfir expects significant monkey spanking from the southern visitors.
Spanky the Conqueror: not enough monkey beatings
Grimork: Oh... I thought you said beat off monkeys
Wulfir: Right, so what do you want me to tell Hunters about their mammoths?
The hunters help the group rig up a couple war mammoths.
Svendahl: This is quite exciting! I've never ridden a war mammoth before.
Hunters finds the idea of southerners riding a war mammoth to be quite funny.
Spanky the Conqueror thinks normally he is behind one
Wulfir: No Spanky, under one. Svendahl only catches.
Svendahl: You asshole.
Spanky the Conqueror: hahahaha
Wulfir: The hunters tell us they can show you the path the Vanir will come along, perhaps you can ambush the snow apes? The snow apes are traveling in a different group than the main raiding party.
Hunters: Urble whawoop wappa woohoo
Spanky the Conqueror: I love woohoo's...they taste delicious
Spanky the Conqueror: but if you want to make whoopie...need boobs and beer
Svendahl: No, he's saying that the idea of ambushing the snow apes is a great plan.
Wulfir: He already offered his west coast brother to you, what more do you want of this man?
Spanky the Conqueror: ok, but how can we sneak up on snow apes (monkeys in disguise)?
Grimork: We should flank them as they approach the town
Spanky the Conqueror: throw poo at them first! HAZAAAA
Hunters points excitedly at Grimork, as if to say, "yes, what he said"
Spanky the Conqueror: bring me beans! and fibrous plants!
Grimork: This is more of a heavy cavalry ride
Spanky the Conqueror: ...too heavy
Svendahl wonders if Spanky can poo from the back end as much as he can from the front.
Spanky the Conqueror: I see my legends have preceded me
Grimork: Do not feed him beans! That went badly last time
Grimork works with villagers to amp up defenses
Spanky the Conqueror: we will flank the monkey's! they will never know how they were spanked
Ynira offers to spank Spanky's monkey with her bad hand.
Spanky the Conqueror: so...not enough time or personnel to build up side defenses
Spanky the Conqueror: do we know how many apes?
Hunters holds up hand in a strange gesture.
Spanky the Conqueror looks at Ynira ...cringes...says "No...thank you"
Wulfir: Not more than 10.
Svendahl: Because they didn't run out of fingers.
Spanky the Conqueror: huh
Spanky the Conqueror: that's optimistic
Svendahl: They count on fingers, they did not run out of fingers when counting.
Spanky the Conqueror: not thinking we can surpise apes on mammoths
Derricka: Thye could be very stealthy mammonths...
Derricka: don't judge
Wulfir: Hmm...do you think they meant the total number of all the scouts in the group?
Svendahl: Shh...the southerners can't count.
Grimork: Who will stay in town while spanky and I ride our valiant steeds to battle?
Spanky the Conqueror: right...so we are back to pre-cum...err...spanking the apes before they come to the village
Wulfir: Svendahl and I will stay behind. There is enough space on the mammoths for your entire group.
Spanky the Conqueror: alright...lets get defenses up...try to corral the apes on how they can attack and their direction...funnel them to a small area...then defeat them all together
Spanky the Conqueror: unless we have a spot we can shove rocks off a cliff on them
Grimork: No mammoth DP please... This is a family show, not a make a family show
Spanky the Conqueror: or cut down trees and tie them up to swing together to crush the apes....they will not take this world! it will never be the Planet of the Apes!
Grimork: Agreed on attack plan
Derricka: Sounds like a solid plan of attack
Spanky the Conqueror: I don't know country-side or what we have to work with - but whatever we have, we can do what we can in a about 24 horus
The apes are coming down a narrow pass that branched off the main pass.
Spanky the Conqueror: Warfare Successes = 0 [2d20 = 32]
Derricka: Warfare Successes = 2 [2d20 = 2]
Solistar: Warfare Successes = 0 [2d20 = 34]
Grimork: [1d20 = 4]
Solistar: [1d20 = 4]
Derricka picks out an amazing ambush spot for the attack, and gets Grimork and Solistar to buy in on her excellent choice.
You dig a series of pit traps and prep your war mammoths. The hunters inform you of when the apes will arrive, and they seem oblivious to the impending awesome ambush waiting to crush them.
Spanky the Conqueror: plans to use Animal Handling on the Apes...
Solistar: HELP ME PLEASE! Monkesy these crazy people are trying to kill me!
Solistar: AHHHHHHHH
Spanky the Conqueror: Animal Handling 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 31]
Pendaan: Animal Handling 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 9]
Grimork: Animal Handling 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 22]
Solistar: Animal Handling 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 16]
Pendaan and Grimork control the mammoths and prepare them for battle. Solistar encourages the mammoths to follow proper instructions.
Solistar: hey you bunch of faggot furballs!
Solistar: get over here and help me out!
Spanky the Conqueror watches Derricka in the back rubbing her boobs in anticipation
The snow apes see Solistar and the Vanir shout battle cries. The snow apes rush toward Solistar.
Spanky the Conqueror: wait...was Solistar wearing a dress with melons to look like a girl?
GM: Acrobatics, Stealth - 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 20]
Spanky the Conqueror laughs at the Apes!
Spanky the Conqueror: wobble baby wobble baby wobble
Spanky the Conqueror: CHARGE!
The Snow Apes and the Vanir charge forward towards Solistar and the rest of the group. Two of the apes fall into the pits and get impaled on the sharp pointy sticks. Three of the Vanir fall into the pits (they are much less dextrous than the apes) and get impaled also.
Grimork: Yipee Kai Eh, MF!
Solistar: Sorcery - 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 21]
GM: [4d6 = 20]
GM: [4d6 = 16]
Solistar ignites Snow Ape #4 and it melts and screams. This seems to enrage the rest of them.
Spanky the Conqueror: Grimork needs to change it to "Yipee Kai AHHHHH!"
Unfortunately, Solistar's magical backlash then promptly causes part of him to melt.
Solistar is using a Hero Point
Solistar: Discipline 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 16]
-> Solistar: You are in serious pain, and have suffered both a mental and a physical wound. However, your magical senses tell you there was a moment there when you attracted the attention of something REALLY powerful that may be looking for you now.
Solistar is using a Hero Point
Solistar uses a Hero Point to ignore pain.
Spanky the Conqueror: Animal Handling 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 25]
GM: [1d12 = 1]
Spanky tries to get the mammoth to charge Apes 1 and 7, and the mammoth ignores Spanky and runs off and decides to trample Snow Ape 8 instead.
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 10]
Pendaan: Ranged Weapons Successes = 1 [2d20 = 19]
Mammoth gets 4 successes on Snow Ape 8
GM: [8d6 = 29]
Pendaan: Throw Rock: (Reach 2-Improvised-Stun-Thrown-4D): vs Snow Ape 1 [4d6 = 10]
Mammoth crushes snow ape underfoot and pummels it into gooey bits.
Pendaan plunks Snow Ape 1 and stuns it.
Grimork: Animal Handling 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 17]
Derricka: Animal Handling Successes = 1 [2d20 = 16]
Mammoth: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 40]
Mammoth clearly went to the Solistar school of combat.
Grimork: Acrobatics 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 15]
Derricka: Acrobatics Successes = 1 [2d20 = 16]
GM: Mammoth's 2d20 result is a 40.
Spanky the Conqueror: hahahaha....our Mammoth is so much better than yours! see how well ours does
Mammoth trips over trunk, rolls down the hill, and falls into a pit trap.
Grimork and Derricka laugh at the mammoth's horrible misfortune, as do the nearby Snow Apes.
Spanky the Conqueror puts the winner ribbon on our Mammoth
Grimork: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 23]
Grimork: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-7D-Stun): [7d6 = 18]
Grimork: [2d6 = 8]
Derricka: Melee Successes = 1 [2d20 = 9]
Derricka: Dagger: (Reach 1-Hidden-Parry 1-Thrown-Unforgiving-5D): vs Snow Ape 3 (Stun) [5d6 = 12]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 29]
Grimork: Parry 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 34]
GM: ¦¦ Broadsword (M): [7d6 = 22]
Snow Ape 2 beats chest and bellows at Solistar.
GM: Beat Chest Attack - 14 +1 Successes = 2 [2d20 = 12]
Solistar: Discipline 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 12]
GM: ¦¦ Beat Chest and Roar (T): [7d6 = 23]
Snow Ape 7 beats chest and bellows at Solistar.
GM: Beat Chest Attack - 14 +1 Successes = 1 [2d20 = 27]
Solistar: Discipline 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 18]
Solistar: [1d20 = 2]
Snow Ape 9 realizes it can fornicate with the exotic Southern woman!
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 25]
Derricka is using a Hero Point
Derricka: Parry Successes = 0 [2d20 = 26]
Snow Ape 9 grabs Derricka, who manages to escape its clutches by virtue of losing the fur cloak she was wearing.
GM: Acrobatics, Stealth - 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 23]
Snow Ape 10 ate his Wheaties (or Mammoth) and leaps forward, manages to avoid falling into the pit trap, and sings Solistar.
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 31]
Snow Ape 10 clearly burned off all his good rolls, because he misses Solistar
GM: Acrobatics, Stealth - 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 38]
Grimork: Feeling chilly, Derricka, or are you just happy to see everyone?
House Warrior 3 runs forward and falls into the pit trap Snow Ape 10 missed. Because he rolls like Solistar.
Spanky the Conqueror: it is a bit nipply
Fine, he rolls like a Mammoth....
Spanky the Conqueror is using a Hero Point
Spanky the Conqueror: burns hero point for extra Animal Handling
Spanky the Conqueror: Animal Handling 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 31]
Spanky the Conqueror: Acrobatics 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 22]
Spanky urges his mammoth forward and it get rolling with a full head of steam, it plows through snow apes # 1, 2, 7, but the impact knocks Spanky off the back and sends him flying into the snow.
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 27]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 34]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 25]
Snow Ape 7 dodges the mammoth.
GM: ¦¦ Trample (M): [7d6 = 28]
GM: ¦¦ Trample (M): [7d6 = 30]
Snow Ape #1 is trampled into gooey bits. Snow Ape #2 is injured and tossed backwards, but still in the fight.
Pendaan: Ranged Weapons Successes = 1 [2d20 = 13]
Pendaan: Throw Rock: (Reach 2-Improvised-Stun-Thrown-4D): vs Grimork [4d6 = 16]
Solistar: Alchemy 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 14]
Solistar: [2d6 = 5]
Grimork: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 20]
Grimork: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-7D-Stun): vs Snow Ape 3 [7d6 = 28]
Grimork: [4d6 = 16]
Derricka: Melee Successes = 0 [2d20 = 29]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 19]
Grimork: Parry 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 25]
GM: ¦¦ Broadsword (M): [9d6 = 34]
GM: [3d6 = 13]
GM: Beat Chest Attack - 14 +1 Successes = 2 [2d20 = 2]
Spanky the Conqueror: Discipline 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 14]
GM: ¦¦ Beat Chest and Roar (T): [7d6 = 32]
GM: [3d6 = 11]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 9]
GM: ¦¦ Hurty Melee (M): [5d6 = 22]
Spanky the Conqueror laughs at the stupid Ape!
Spanky the Conqueror doesn't realize he is laughing in wrong direction
Snow Ape intimidates Spanky in ways Spanky only feels when confronted by tentacle demons and his orifices being exposed.
This leaves him blindsided to Snow Ape 7 running up, grabbing him, pile driving him into the ground, and stomping on him a couple times.
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 32]
Snow Ape 6 runs up to smash on Spanky and accidentally blows into Snow Ape 7, knocking both of them over.
Pendaan is using a Hero Point
Pendaan: Animal Handling 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 27]
Spanky the Conqueror is using a Hero Point
Spanky the Conqueror: Acrobatics 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 19]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 27]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 10]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 19]
GM: ¦¦ Trample (M): [7d6 = 29]
GM: ¦¦ Trample (M): [7d6 = 19]
GM: ¦¦ Trample (M): [7d6 = 26]
Mammoth runs forward at Pendaan's urging and crushes Snow Apes 6 and 7. Snow Ape 2 annoying dodges out of danger yet again.
Pendaan is using a Hero Point
Pendaan: Athletics 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 30]
Pendaan: [1d20 = 6]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 2 [2d20 = 11]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 5]
GM: ¦¦ Trample (M): [7d6 = 30]
GM: ¦¦ Trample (M): [7d6 = 22]
Woolly Mammoth then turns sharply, then crushes Snow Ape 5 and 10.
Grimork is using a Hero Point
Grimork: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 10]
GM: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 25]
Grimork: [10d6 = 39]
Grimork: [2d6 = 8]
Grimork goes into a frothing berserker rage and swings mightily, carving through House Warrior #2 and driving his blade through House Warrior #2 and into Snow Ape #3, the poor creature being surprised by this sudden side assault and collapsing into a heap. Unfortunately, the side effect of this is Grimork has disarmed himself by getting his sword stuck into not one, but two corpses. However, it can be easily retrieved next turn. He mostly just let go from the shock of what he managed to do in damage.
Derricka: Melee Successes = 0 [2d20 = 36]
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 0 [2d20 = 36]
Snow Ape 2 runs forward and makes menacing hand gestures at Spanky, who ignores the silly creature.
Spanky the Conqueror laughs at Snow Ape 2
Solistar: Ranged Weapons 1EXP/1FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 28]
Solistar: Bow: (Close-2H-Volley-3d6): [3d6 = 12]
Spanky the Conqueror ducks for cover from crazy wizard volley
Solistar shoots the Snow Ape and hits it with an arrow, then breaks his bow string when he nocks a second arrow.
GM: Melee 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 21]
Derricka: Parry Successes = 1 [2d20 = 17]
Derricka is using a Hero Point
GM: Brawn - 14(1) Successes = 2 [2d20 = 4]
Derricka: [1d20 = 7]
Derricka is using a Hero Point
Derricka: Brawn - 10 Successes = 0 [2d20 = 36]
Snow Ape #9 throws Derricka over his shoulder and runs back up the valley, Ship's Counselor in tow.
Grimork is using a Hero Point
Grimork: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 16]
GM: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 20]
Grimork: [10d6 = 23]
Grimork: [3d6 = 15]
Grimork: [1d6 = 6]
Grimork runs forward and cuts down the King Kong Wannabe in his tracks.
Spanky the Conqueror is using a Hero Point
Spanky the Conqueror: Melee 4EXP/4FOC Successes = 3 [2d20 = 8]
GM: Parry, Ranged Weapons 2EXP/2FOC Successes = 1 [2d20 = 18]
Spanky the Conqueror: Broadsword: (Reach 2-Parry 1-UNB-5D-Stun): vs Snow Ape 2 [5d6 = 21]
Spanky the Conqueror: [4d6 = 10]
Spanky the Conqueror: [2d6 = 3]
Spanky the Conqueror starts cutting off Ape ears
The battle ends with the death of the last snow ape.
Spanky the Conqueror searches bodies
Campaign saved.