Chat log started at 11.6.2014 / 17:56:34

Savage Worlds Deluxe for Fantasy Grounds II. (c) 2011 Pinnacle Entertainment Group.
Asset 1101: have we reached part yet where sinister man in leather and chrome chair explains his plans for world domination while stroking his kitty cat?
For those who don't remember last session, or blacked out after the accident...
Someone (who is suspiciously repairing the Humvee by being underneath it right now) managed to roll a Critical Failure, followed by a 1 on a Skill Die, followed by another failure and ran out of Bennies...
Anyway...
The Humvee currently has a white Honda Accord smashed into the back of it, with two dazed Asian-looking men wearing LA Kings Hockey jerseys sitting inside. Just as the agents evacuated the Humvee to assess the damage, Hat Trick noticed that *quite suspiciously* EVERYONE in this area is wearing a San Jose Sharks jersey. Yes, the group is still in Vancouver.
The building you were looking to investigate is the nice one on the northeast corner of the map.
William Shatner, the Humvee, is currently offline while running internal diagnostics.
The people wearing San Jose Sharks' jerseys are pointing cylindrical metallic objects at the group and taking cover.
Asset 1101: darn
Agent P goes prone under the car, (at least until initiative)
GM: Rather than debate whether they are friendly or not, I'll just start with...Initiative.
Round 1
Dealing cards...
Agent R
Agent R: Fires at number 8
Agent R: Shooting: H&K G3 (.308) [1d8 = 3]
Agent R: H&K G3 (.308) damage [2d8 = 11]
GM: You hit the building, it seems unhappy with the amount of damage you are doing to it. The building frowns at you and threatens to call in a gazebo.
Asset 1101
Asset 1101 shoots at #1
Asset 1101: Shooting: AK47 (7.62) [1d6 = 3]
Asset 1101: shazbat!
Asher (Hat Trick): I AM HERE!!! At least temporarily.
The glass window behind your target is shattered, you hear someone scream, "My Faberge Egg Collection!" from inside the house.
Agent P
Agent P fires his shotgun at #7.
Agent P: Shooting [1d4 = 3]
There is a nice spray of buckshot on the side of the building.
Hat Trick
Hat Trick: Shooting {+1 Double Tap}: Colt 1911 (.45) (Colt 1911 (Semi)) [1d6+1 = 9]
Hat Trick: Colt 1911 (.45) (Colt 1911 (Semi)) damage [2d6+2 = 10]
Hat Trick shoots one and causes it to take cover.
Nessie (Agent R): I am kneeling I forgot to type that.
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 7]
Mutari Infiltrator: Needler damage [2d6 = 13]
Asset 1101 is shot in the chest by a glowing beam of light from #1, and is Shaken + 1 Wound.
Mutari Infiltrator: Spirit [1d6 = 1]
Asset 1101: ow
#2 stares blankly at the ground
Asset 1101: Vigor [1d6 = 5]
Asset 1101 dodges at the last second, causing the shot to hit the Humvee and cause further damage to the paint job.
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 1]
Mutari Infiltrator: Needler damage [2d6 = 24]
Asset 1101: whew
#3 attempts to shoot "THROUGH THE HOSTAGE" and instead causes the driver of the Honda Accord's head to explode like an overripe melon at a Gallagher show. Hat Trick is covered in a gooey greenish substance, he doubts the "Asian guy" is actually human.
Hat Trick: EWWW...
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 6]
Hat Trick has flashbacks to the beginning of "The Shadow"
#4 shoots at the Honda Accord, getting dangerously close to the fuel tank.
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 1]
Hat Trick: It's not a Pinto
#5 shoots somewhere near #2.
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 11]
Mutari Infiltrator: Needler damage [3d6 = 11]
#6 shoots Agent R in the left ACL and shreds it into gooey bits, for Shaken+1 Wound
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 10]
Mutari Infiltrator: Needler damage [2d6 = 8]
Asset 1101: Watch out, R
Asset 1101: !
Hat Trick: Medic!!! Wait... they shot the medic. Crap
#7 shoots Agent R and grazes his temple for a Shaken (or worse, depends on whether she soaks the first one)
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 3]
#8 shoots the Humvee.
Agent R is using a benny
Agent R: Vigor [1d6 = 5]
Agent R survives the first shot by moving his leg.
Round 2
Dealing cards...
Agent R (shaken)
Agent R: Spirit [1d6 = 3]
Agent R is using a benny
Agent R: Fires at #7
Agent R: Shooting: H&K G3 (.308) [1d6 = 9]
Agent R: H&K G3 (.308) damage [1d6+2d8 = 12]
#7 attempts to deflect the bullet with his teeth. It doesn't end well.
Hat Trick
Hat Trick throws the body in the back of the Humvee
Hat Trick then shoots at #2
Hat Trick: Shooting {+1 Double Tap}: Colt 1911 (.45) (Colt 1911 (Semi)) [1d6+1 = 11]
#2 is too busy being dazed to take over, so that's a hit with a raise
Hat Trick: Colt 1911 (.45) (Colt 1911 (Semi)) damage [3d6+2 = 8]
#2 recovers just in time to dive into cover behind a nearby rose bush, gets stung by a bee, swells up and dies.
Agent P
Agent P rolls a smoke grenade down at the further ones to block some line of sight and turns and fires 3.
Agent P: Throwing (-2) [1d4-2 = 1]
GM: Thrown Deviation [1d12+1d6 = 15]
Hat Trick: They're allergic to bee venom! Quick! Someone find a wasp nest!
The grenade rolls into a randomly different location.
Agent P: Shooting [1d4 = 3]
Asset 1101
Asset 1101: Shooting: AK47 (7.62) [1d6 = 23]
Asset 1101: AK47 (7.62) damage [1d6+2d8+1 = 7]
Asset 1101 fires his AK-47 and hits #1 in the left kneecap, which somehow causes the bullet to ricochet up the leg, shattering both femurs and leaving an exit wound the size of a Swanson's Family-Size Chicken Pot Pie.
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 1]
#3 steps back around the building and is clearly threatened by the smoke grenade, since that seems to be what he is shooting at.
#4 runs around the corner of the building, taking cover on the porch so he has a better line of sight next round.
#5 moves up to avoid the smoke screen
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 6]
#6 shoots at Agent P and misses.
Mutari Infiltrator: Shooting [1d8 = 5]
#8 shoots at Agent R and misses.
Round 3
Dealing cards...
Agent P
Agent P: Shooting (+2) [Trait roll was a natural 1] [1d6+2 = 4]
Agent R
Agent R: Fires at #8
Agent R: Shooting: H&K G3 (.308) [1d8 = 5]
GM: That will miss, he is hiding in cover.
Asset 1101
Asset 1101 shoots at #5
Asset 1101: Shooting: AK47 (7.62) [1d6 = 15]
Asset 1101: AK47 (7.62) damage [1d6+2d8+1 = 20]
Asset 1101 clearly missed the part of the briefing that included the phrase, "We prefer you bring back corpses that are not contained in small Ziploc bags."
Hat Trick
Asset 1101: must have been the carrot smoothie
GM: It was the Timbits.
Hat Trick channels the sour cream Timbits and fires at #4
Hat Trick: Shooting {+1 Double Tap}: Colt 1911 (.45) (Colt 1911 (Semi)) [1d8+1 = 5]
Hat Trick: Colt 1911 (.45) (Colt 1911 (Semi)) damage [2d6+2 = 8]
That will miss, he is hiding, but your damage roll causes a hole in the house
Hat Trick: It's a new Timbits delivery method...
The San Jose Sharks fans appear to be fleeing.
Round 4
Dealing cards...
Asset 1101
Asset 1101: head towards fancy building
GM: You should split up and chase after them individually. Nothing bad will happen.
Asset 1101 is not stopped from moving towards the building.
Asset 1101: any mounties around to mop up the fleeing aliens?
GM: They were all sent to OTHER buildings at the end of last session.
Hat Trick
Hat Trick moves to the nearest dead "Sharks fan" and searches for weapons or intelligence
Hat Trick also reloads his weapon
Hat Trick: Notice [1d6 = 7]
Agent P: crawls out from under the car and runs for one of the aliens
Agent P: [1d6 = 2]
Hat Trick: Remember, I already tossed one in the trunk.
The nearest Sharks fan has gooey greenish blood coming out of a gaping wound. It looks very similar to the gooey green stuff in your hair. Otherwise the creature looks human. The weapon on the ground has no discernable controls.
Agent P
The remaining San Jose Sharks fans run out of view.
Asset 1101: go Red Wings
GM: You are now out of "combat" rounds. Proceed normally.
Agent R
Agent P runs over to the building and cover the other side of the door, and starts reloading shells into his shotgun.
Asset 1101: so, whats in this building?
Hat Trick: I'll drag this one back to the Humvee as well, including anything on him and his weapon.
Hat Trick plops another gooey corpse in the back of the Humvee, which will really antagonize the HELL out of William Shatner when the AI comes back online.
Hat Trick: Then I join up with the rest of the group
Agent P: Okay, shall we breach the door? First person left, second right, third and fourth straight ahead?
The door notices it was not consulted in this plan.
Hat Trick waves his hand in front of the automatic door opener
Hat Trick manages to bump the Handicapped auto-door opener with the ramp accessible entrance. The door opens after the motor whirrs and spins to life.
Agent R: Got it Agent p
Asset 1101: and....
Asset 1101: we see a lobby of old folks watching Lawrence Welk tapes on a 13" color TV?
The corridor inside looks like a routine office building, with cheap wallpaper and normal looking wood doors. A hallway leads to a "t-junction". The men's and ladies' rooms are clearly marked with signs visible from the entrance.
Agent P: We better check out the restrooms. They always have loot.
Asset 1101: band aids and cotton balls!!!
GM: No, you are on the first floor, not the second floor. And when you interrupt the old ladies playing bingo, just remember that I told you they have a minigun.
Agent P: Okay lets clear these rooms one by one.
John (Asset 1101): back in a min
You open the first door on the right...and discover that it is filled with rows upon rows of glowing vacuum tubes plugged into a giant circuit board. The heat coming out of the room is intense. Two wall mounted AC units CANNOT keep up with this place.
Agent R: interesting...
Agent P: whoa
Hat Trick: Anyone for a game of pong?
Agent P: I look for a place where I can plug in my laptop... or in some other way jack in, or a control station of some sort.
John (Asset 1101): back
There is a suspicious looking Apple Lightning connector sitting near the entrance. It is the newest looking connection in here by about 40 years. It is sitting on top of a 5.25" SD drive, which is covered in a layer of dust. The other end of the Lightning connector goes into the circuit board.
Hat Trick: Is anyone with the Humvee?
GM: Marcus is with the Humvee.
Agent P: Okay I hook up to the lightning connector and see if I can figure out what this thing is doing.
From the door on the opposite side of the hallway, it sounds like forty-plus tape reels just kicked on.
Asset 1101: very strange. I bet demo pack mess it up good though.
Hat Trick: I go check the room across the hall
Agent P: You guys want to keep clearing the building while I try to figure out what this is?
Asset 1101: sure
Asset 1101: Tech Ops [1d8 = 4]
Asset 1101: looks like old computer...
The room across the hall looks like it has about forty miles of microfiche tape running through a huge array of 1960s-style data backup units. There is a DEC-PDP-11 in the corner.
GM: (Which I actually saw running in a customer environment earlier this year.)
Hat Trick: That's a whole lot of... old stuff.
As soon as you plug the lightning connector into the laptop, the laptop begins glowing a bright red. A Neon Sign on the Red Light District Amsterdam version of Red.
It is doing this THROUGH the normal color that the laptop should be glowing.
GM: (i.e. it normally does not glow...this could indicate a problem)
Asset 1101: maybe RS232 port better choice?
Agent P: I open a command prompt and try to mount this system to my filesystem.
Hat Trick: Do I see a big red switch or something else that might indicate an emergency shutdown?
Hat Trick: Notice [1d6 = 7]
The vaccuum tubes all start glowing bright red instead of yellow. Then it starts doing a disco-ball type pulse thing. The tapes next to the DEC-PDP-11 begin spinning at somewhere near Ludicrous Speed.
Agent P: Uh, nothing to worry about.
Agent P: I've got it all under control
Hat Trick: OH GOD!!! It's going plaid!
Hat Trick sees a switch behind a glass plate that reads, "BREAK GLASS AND PULL HANDLE IN CASE OF GLOWY RED LIGHTS"
Hat Trick: Hey P! Tell me if you want a shut down. Preferably before we all die!
Agent P gets a command prompt on his screen that looks like this: ROMMON^1
Agent R: Red isnt; a good color....
Hat Trick breaks glass and grabs handle in preparation of not dying horribly in an exploding pong game.
Agent P: No problem
Agent P: I do sho ?
Agent P: dir
Agent P: sho disk0
Hat Trick: cd\games\xcom
Agent P gets a response to "sho disk0" -> A huge number of files stream by, the last two lines are: "587,458,823 43,664,395,634 Mar 04 1972 12:32:14 hs_err.log" and "28,164,235,487,925,482 bytes available 3,486,649,346,290 bytes used"
Asset 1101: great
As Hat Trick breaks the glass, a cheerily feminine voice announces: "Building Security Activated. Hermetic Seal Engaged. Bertholite Dispensers Activated."
Agent P: I copy the error log to my laptop. Then.
You started to copy the error log to your laptop, and received the message "Insufficient Disk Space"
Agent P: I type: boot
Hat Trick: And we're snafubar'd
A series of spinning \/\/\/\/\/ marks cover the screen. Then it begins scrolling...your laptop begins generating heat and the fans whirr menacingly.
Agent R: Notice [1d8 = 5]
Asset 1101: looking for clues...
Asset 1101: looking for trouble...
Asset 1101 opens the door to the men's room, and finds that it is completely overgrown with Ivy and Hydroponics...that are evidently electrified.
Asset 1101: hmm, not useful
Hat Trick removes hand from handle
Asset 1101: and in ladies room?
The women's room has nice stalls, pink colored walls, soap dispensers, paper towels, and is clearly frequently maintained. In fact, according to the whiteboard log on the back of the door, someone named "Maria" checked it for cleanliness 18 minutes ago.
Asset 1101: very interesting
Asset 1101: maybe we can get her for our base?
Agent R searching rooms
The main hallway leads to a nice atrium with sunlight streaming in from the skylights above. It looks like an elevator shaft leading to the second and third floor. There is what looks like a matching t-junction corridor on the other side.
Agent R looks in other two
Nessie (Agent R): doors
Hat Trick: I'll move to here and cover that hallway and the main entrance
Agent R opens both doors and peeks inside, one room looks like a nice sitting room with a cozy little chair and an old fashioned 1980s style TV hooked up to an Odyssey with the Speech Module installed. The other door looks like a closet and it is full of PVC piping, circuit boards, and hydroponics troughs. There is also a bunch of soil and seeds from a nearby hardware store that you remember passing on the way here.
Agent P: This thing is still booting up... you guys just keep doing what you're doing.
The elevator shaft makes a "ding" noise and the doors open. A tracked robot that looks kind of like "Johnny 5" comes out, carrying a broom, mop, and a pail. It is wearing a cute little smock with a nametag on it.
Hat Trick: Hello Maria!
Asset 1101: crazy place
Hat Trick is prepared to dodge quickly to the left
Maria 6: Hello carbon-based organic lifeform. Have you come to play bingo? It is on the third floor.
Nessie (Agent R): 80"s pot smokers...
Hat Trick: Thank you. Do you clean this whole place yourself?
Maria 6 slides treads down and rolls forward.
Agent R reports what I found to Assest 1101
Maria 6: Yes, I am the caretaker of this building.
Hat Trick: You do a great job.
Maria 6: You are new here, we do not get many lively ones who are so well-armed here. Or bring their well-armed friends, or plug into computer equipment randomly.
Maria 6: Thank you.
Hat Trick: Yes... Well, I am a Red Wings fan.
Maria 6: In Vancouver? How droll.
Maria 6: Or perhaps that is "how troll" - I am not quite sure on the vagaries of English.
Hat Trick: close enough
Maria 6: Well, what are you here for? I think you recovered one of the missing ones and brought it back. How nice of you.
Maria 6: People who are armed rarely play bingo here. Well, there was another group that was armed a few months ago, they ended up playing bingo with the others though.
Maria 6 seems thoughtful...or perhaps calculating remotely through a huge number of possible outcomes.
Hat Trick: The missing ones?
Maria 6: Yes, there are some missing computational intelligences from our Grid. You have brought one back.
GM: Does anyone want to make a Notice check?
Hat Trick: Notice [1d6 = 14]
Agent R: Notice [1d8 = 3]
Agent P: Notice [1d6 = 5]
Hat Trick: Agent P... I think you uploaded
Hat Trick: not downloaded
Hat Trick notices that "Maria 6" is the name on the name tag. He also notices that there are at least 8 turret mounted metal cylinders rotating in a slightly menacing fashion before locking on to the carbon based lifeforms, including the ones not visible in the hallway.
Agent P notices that the red light mode is reverting back to more of a "yellow light mode" in the room he is in.
Agent P: Ah, I think we've done good perhaps and helped one of the nice ones return?
Agent R notices that the game "Smithereens" is plugged into the Odyssey.
Hat Trick also suspects that the "shiny chrome" on Maria is actually some sort of really impressive armor with reflective capabilities.
Hat Trick: Will you not shoot me if I agree for all of us to leave?
Maria 6: Why would I shoot you?
Maria 6: What have you done?
Hat Trick: Your turrets are being menacing
Maria 6 rolls towards the storage room, picks up a handful of sand from a bag, and through friction and heat turns it into a glass plate in about 30 seconds.
Maria 6: Well, your guns are menacing, so there. Plus you shot up the exterior of the building, it will drive down property values, to say nothing of causing a car accident outside.
Maria 6 rolls into the other room and replaces the glass plate that Hat Trick broke.
Agent P: [1d6 = 5]
Agent P now gets a prompt: Kobayashi Maru#
Hat Trick: That wasn't us. It was the aliens attacking us. We were simply engaging in self defense.
Hat Trick holsters sidearm.
Agent P: Hmm, that might not be good.
Maria 6: Oh, that makes perfect sense, those pesky Mutari have been wandering around for the last few years.
Maria 6: I have to melt them down every once in a while to stop them from annoying the Bingo Players.
Agent P: Well we are supposed to make contact right...
Agent P: I type scan area
Hat Trick: So what is this building, aside from a bingo hall?
Computer Screen: Invalid argument, please denote size in meters.
Maria 6: It runs computer simulations and analysis of the inhabitants of Earth.
Hat Trick: Interesting. For whom?
Hat Trick: Dolphins?
Maria 6: You are very interesting creatures to my creators, they find you amusing.
Agent P: >scan internal electronics for life
Maria 6: No...Dolphins are adorable but they don't do well when electrocuted.
Computer Screen: Invalid argument, specify lifeform type.
Agent P: Can you guys ask Maria 6 what the thing we returned is called?
Maria 6: I can hear you just fine. It is an electrical impulse based lifeform, I think that one's named in your method of communication would be <Zap><Hiss><Spark><Ping><Whaaboom>
Maria 6: I like to call them Zippers though.
Agent P: input: scan internal zippers
Computer Screen: Floor 1: 52. Floor 2: 0. Floor 3: 0.
Hat Trick: scan internal organic lifeforms
Hat Trick: So who are your creators?
Agent P: scan building lifeforms <> human
Computer Screen: Floor 1: 282. Floor 2: 300. Floor 3: 4
Agent R: does that inculde the plants i found in my room?
Hat Trick: And what function do the zippers provide?
Maria 6: My creators are a race of shapeshifting beings, according to the program they wrote for me, I call them "Olympians". The Zippers are an intelligent electrical pulse my creators found somewhere in the universe and use them for complex computational tasks. Evidently they derive extreme pleasure from math.
Asset 1101: mathletes
Maria 6: I guess the human analogy would be "math causes them to have orgasms"
Agent P: Maria 6, Is this facility secure from the Mutari?
Maria 6: Yes. Sometimes they sneak in pretending to be old ladies wanting to play bingo. I generally can melt them down before they cause any serious harm though.
Maria 6: I also installed sensors so the doors won't open when Mutari are nearby.
Agent P: We've been sent to make contact with friendly aliens in this area. We've been having problems with non-frienly aliens.
Maria 6: Those pesky non-friendly aliens!
Asset 1101: yes
Maria 6 sounds mildly indignant.
Agent P: I'm guessing we might share some common interests, at least common hostile foes.
Maria 6: My interests are disco, horseshoes, and Boston Clam Chowder.
Asset 1101: Maria, why is the mens room filled with electrified plants?
Agent P: Okay, My laptop is full... I assume Maria 6 knows what I downloaded and that it is okay if I review data on these two species later?
Maria 6: Oh, the Zippers work better when they are in organic material, evidently they derive greater processing speed from using the synaptic relays of multi-celled organisms.
Maria 6: Sure, if the Zippers think you can have it, I'm fine with that.
Hat Trick: What's on floor 2?
Maria 6: Storage, sleeping quarters, random stuff.
Asset 1101: I can see disco, and horseshoes as a stretch, but Clam Chowder? Can you eat human food?
Maria 6: Yes, Boston Clam Chowder is delicious! I can process human food and break it down into chemical compounds that can be converted into electricity. Also, Tim Horton's makes GREAT Clam Chowder.
Asset 1101: interesting. What is your opinion of Timbits?
Hat Trick: Then where are the other 278 humans on this floor? and the 300 on the second floor?
Maria 6: I sometimes go there, I put on a blond wig and get an order to go with a side of Timbits. No one seems to notice me. Canadians are so polite.
Agent P: Hatty, it's not humans.
Hat Trick: Ah... disregard then
Agent P: I excluded humans from the search
Asset 1101: imagine, first contact with an alien artificial intelligence, and we discuss Tim Horton's fine cuisine. The Captain may not buy this one.
Hat Trick pulls out a baggie of Timbits
Hat Trick: we have to eat all of these before we return to the states... Contraband, you know.
Maria 6: Yeah, I doubt we will ever consider moving any operations to where they do not have Tim Horton's and Canadians.
Asset 1101: Wouldn't want customs to confiscate it because they were made with sugar that didn't have the sugar tariff paid...
Maria 6: Ah yes, pesky American import laws against Sugar Cane! The irony!
Hat Trick: We like our sugar made of high fructose corn syrup.
Maria 6 takes an offered Timbits and puts them into a device that looks suspiciously like a cup holder. It smashes the Timbits flat and makes a grinding noise.
Agent R: eww
Maria 6: Yum! Yum!
Asset 1101: HFCS 55 is to die for, no doubt
Agent P: High fructose corn syrup. It's got more freedom!
Agent R: I perfer sugar in the raw...thanks
Agent P: So Maria, how can we contact you in the future?
Asset 1101: does that mean a suit of cotton candy?
Maria 6: Oh, don't worry, we've completely subverted your laptop and have complete control of it. I think we've even resoldered the entire processor to act as a giant relay that we can bounce off one of our satellites. In other words, don't call us, we'll call you.
Asset 1101: sweet
Agent P: cool, I can just leave message on my laptop then.
Hat Trick: Anyone up for a game of Bingo?
Maria 6: You thought the "glowing red thing" was just for show? Also, your hard drive needed to be defragged.
Maria 6: Sure, that works.
Asset 1101: let us know if you want any special foods or delicacies. Do you like peanut M&Ms, I have a 1 lb bag for you if you would like?
Maria 6: Nah, chocolate is bad for my servos.
Maria 6: It also makes me look fat in my frock.
Asset 1101: that is too bad to here. How about Russian vodka?
Agent R: Vodka would be swell
Asset 1101 takes a bottle from his gym bag and presents to Maria
Maria 6: Nah, alcohol is wasted on me, I just immediately convert it into sugars and break it down.
Asset 1101: oh., ok, no problem. Agent R will take care of
Maria 6: Okay, Agent R will enjoy it more than I would.
Maria 6: I drink that brand like motor oil.
Marcus has repaired the Hummer and William Shatner is highly annoyed at the gooey green corpses making a mess in the back seat. He grumpily will drive you back to the airport so you can go home and he can go to the "Topless Car Wash and Interior Cleaning" place he knows about.
He in the second sentence being William Shatner the Hummer, not Marcus.