Chat log started at 28.5.2014 / 17:48:18

Savage Worlds Deluxe for Fantasy Grounds II. (c) 2011 Pinnacle Entertainment Group.
Hat Trick: I am going to attempt to stay connected this time
On the last exciting episode of ETOG - Extraterrestrial Operations Group - the group saved a VIGBL (Very Important Glowing Ball of Light) from a horde of mind-controlled, super-polite, Canadian vagrants. Casualties were kept at a minimum, except for the dozen or so William Shatner the Humvee ran over. The group has since evacuated to a conveniently located Tim Hortons and met with the Mounties who they were supposed to be meeting with when they first arrived.
William Shatner - Humvee is busy getting the Canadians cleaned off the wheels.
RCMP Chapman: Timbits for everyone!
RCMP Chapman offers a dozen Timbits to everyone seated near him at Tim Hortons.
Hat Trick: Are those the pastries or the chunky kibble off of the humvee?
William Shatner - Humvee: Yes
GM: Mike managed to miss the session devoted entirely to combat, and is here for the follow up.
Hat Trick: At least someone remembered to pick him up.
Marcus Davidian: lol
Asset 1101 eats a Timbit, but it reacts amazingly with his alcohol soaked intestines and he flees to the Men's Room of Tim Horton's and locks himself in for the duration of this session.
Agent R: Marcus slept through the good parts..
RCMP Chapman: I say, eh! Can't control his Timbit, eh?
Marcus Davidian: haha
Agent P eats Timbit; drinks coffee
Agent P: So well... all under control here. You mounties have done a fine job. I'll be sure to include you in my report. Back to the states with us then!
Agent R puts down his timbit suddenly scared of them
RCMP Officer Hansen: So gentlemen, we understand you are here looking for members of the Anti-Maple Syrup Jihadist Movement. It is a splinter sect of radical Shiite Terrorists funded by Aunt Jemima and Iran.
Hat Trick: I don't think we're done yet
Marcus Davidian stares at the timbits as if they evil mutants
RCMP Officer Hansen: I assume the fight at the warehouse by the docks was part of your investigation then. And those vagrants were probably brainwashed by high-fructose corn syrup laden pancakes from IHOP!
Hat Trick eats several timbits in rapid succession
RCMP Chapman: Oh! The horrors! The conspiracies! - Eh!
Hat Trick: hmmmm... they taste like a Red Wings Stanley Cup victory... I see why you guys like them.
Marcus Davidian looks at hat trick and is scared of what will happen
RCMP Chapman looks at Hat Trick and sniffs the Timbits carefully.
Hat Trick: Vigor [Trait roll was a natural 1] [1d6 = 5]
Agent R questions hat tricks sanity
Hat Trick: Spirit [1d6 = 9]
Hat Trick: So what's our next step.
Agent P: Well, I say we first make a report back to base...
Agent P: (whisper) so you know. we can tell them about the "thing" we found.
William Shatner - Humvee (whispers over headsets): Hey guys, weren't you supposed to be here looking for an alien infestation and the warehouse was just the first spot?
Hat Trick (whispers): did we leave the thing in the humvee?
Marcus Davidian grabs a timbit and looks at it
Marcus Davidian: Notice [1d6 = 4]
Asher (Hat Trick): it looks back with googly eyes
GM: It's hiding inside Agent P's laptop.
Asher (Hat Trick): that's right
The Timbit in Marcus' hand seems very normal and content to be a Timbit.
Agent P: It's inside my laptop. I think it's the species we were sent here to find (I say when the Mounties can't hear)
Marcus Davidian throws the timbit at the wall
Marcus Davidian: Strength [1d6 = 4]
Agent R: So what kind of aliens have ou found here?
The Timbit sticks to the wall.
Agent P: that glowy ball of light thing
RCMP Officer Hansen: Aliens? What aliens?
Hat Trick: The illegal jihadist aliens
Agent P: You know... illegal aliens!
Marcus Davidian (Marcus Davidian): one sec mom calling
Agent R: no red wings fans
Agent R looks at hat trick
RCMP Officer Hansen: The jihadist aliens all come from Iran through either Syria or Lebanon! They are indoctrinated at special Aunt Jemima boot camps in Kentucky and Tennessee!
Marcus Davidian (Marcus Davidian): back
Agent P: Officer Hansen, have you had any other unexplaned things going on around town?
Agent P: And, can we look up and see who owned that warehouse?
RCMP Officer Hansen: Sure, we can pull that information from government records on ownership. Chapman.
RCMP Chapman: Muh...muh...nom nom
Hat Trick: Owned - as in past tense. They're going to get one hell of an insurance settlement.
RCMP Chapman noisily finishes eating a Timbit.
Hat Trick starts eating the Timbits (R) that everyone doesn't want
RCMP Chapman: It was owned by the Canadian Division of Snelling Staffing Services.
Agent P: really? That's interesting. Can we do a city wide search on any other buildings owned by them?
Hat Trick: Isn't that who owns our buiding?
RCMP Chapman: Sure thing, I can get that done really quickly.
Hat Trick: suspicious Hat Trick is suspicous
RCMP Chapman gets out a Blackberry and starts typing on it at a rate of 1 letter per minute.
Agent R likes the timbits but think they could be alien invaders so lets Hat Trick ingest them to see if they are deadly.
Agent R takes notes of Hatricks moves and says hmm a lot
Hat Trick pushes a timbit at R... would you like to dissect it?
Agent P: Also I'd like to see the power records for the town if possible for the past year. Run it through a program to see if anyone has had a huge spike in power usage.
Hat Trick: You think there are more of these... alien front companies... out there?
Agent R grabs a knife and fork and dissects the timbit
Hat Trick: Can your laptop handle that?
Hat Trick: What if they fight inside there and it gets all Tron-ish?
Agent P: Sure... If not I'll have the guys back at HQ run it
RCMP Officer Hansen: I think we can pull that up for you. We have noticed an increase in "hydroponics labs" being run around the city.
RCMP Officer Hansen calls local RCMP headquarters to get information from the electric company.
Hat Trick: How about this Snelling Staffing Services? Can we correlate that with the electical company info?
Agent R wonders what Agent P will name his new pet
RCMP Officer Hansen: Sure.
RCMP Chapman provides a list of all the buildings owned by "Snelling Staffing Services" in the greater Vancouver Metropolitan Region.
RCMP Officer Hansen provides a list of places with increased electrical usage.
Hat Trick looks at the lists with Agent P
Asher (Hat Trick): i like Zach's idea of rolling in the tower, I just forget it's there.
Hat Trick notices that if he takes the capital letters of all street names for the places owned by Snelling Staffing Services in this city, it spells out REDWINGS RULE.
Marcus Davidian: lol
Agent P: So... I just checked with HQ and besides a few safve houses, they do not own anything else in the area... espeically any warehouses.
Agent P: So if any others show up with that name we should check it out.
Agent P: Also, we should find out who's been paying the taxes on those warehouses. Canadians love their taxes.
RCMP Chapman: Most of these were purchased about 20 years ago.
Hat Trick: That's because beer is subsidized in Canada
RCMP Officer Hansen: Okay, so what is next on the agenda for you guys? Do you want us to start surveillance on all these buildings?
RCMP Chapman: Because we can do that, they are all located within two blocks of a Tim Hortons.
Agent P: Yeah, how many buildings did you come up with?
RCMP Chapman: 8 total.
Agent R: there needs to be rehab for Tim Hotron's comers in this country
Only one of them has an address that matches with the list of places that have seen increased electrical usage (not counting the warehouse, which you are ignoring on the list.)
Agent P: I'd also like to screen out any one the list that I know HQ does actually own.
Agent P: Have the Mounties do survienallce on all of the places, EXCEPT the one which we are headed to... which is the one with increased electrical usage.
Hat Trick: Everything in Canada is two blocks from a tim hortons
That leaves you with 4, of which the one with the increased electrical usage, is still on the list.
Agent R: sounds good to me
Hat Trick: alright! Let's go pillage some aliens!
Agent R: they prefer to be called illegals
RCMP Officer Hansen: All right, we have a plan!
RCMP Chapman orders two dozen donuts to go.
Nessie (Agent R): that will last 20 seconds
RCMP Officer Hansen leaves with all the other mounties to start surveillance on the other three buildings while you go investigate the fourth one.
You are now in a Mountie-free Zone inside a Tim Horton's if you wish to discuss any sort of important tactical or alien concerns.
RCMP Chapman runs back in and orders two dozen more donuts, since the first batch did not make it to the patrol cars.
RCMP Chapman leaves.
GM: Okay, now you are again in a Mountie-free Zone.
Agent P: Lets start by getting sattelite images of this place we are headed to. I also point those at the light ball in my laptop and see if it responds.
Your laptop seems to be spending a considerable amount of time playing Pong right now. The process is sitting at 98% processor utilization. Also, are you plugged in to an electrical outlet?
Agent P: I go plug it into the cigarette lighter in the warthog.
William Shatner - Humvee: Hey now! I only have "outies" here. There is no plugging phallic-like things into me!
William Shatner - Humvee extends a cord from the dashboard with adapters to match the laptop.
Agent R: So what are we going to do with your friend agent P?
Marcus Davidian drinks tim horton coffee while eating a cream filled donuts
VIGBL begins cycling through several thousand games of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Asher (Hat Trick): would me opening a Tim Hortons franchise here convince everyone to move to Colorado?
William Shatner - Humvee: Are we heading to this place you have an address for?
Agent R: I think so
Everyone piles into the Humvee and Marcus Davidian drives to the next building.
Agent R: I was busy getting the recipe for the tim duckims
GM: Driving Check from Marcus.
Marcus Davidian: Driving [1d8 = 7]
Marcus successfully wrests control of the steering wheel from William Shatner the Humvee AI and takes you by the shortest path, and not the one the "GPS" created which was eight and a half hours long and drove by every sorority in town.
William Shatner - Humvee sighs.
Agent P: Hey I wonder... Can the Humvee get us a great deal on a flight and hotel room?
William Shatner - Humvee: Hell yes!
Marcus Davidian looks around while driving
Marcus Davidian: Notice [1d6 = 4]
Hat Trick: Hey, Agent R... I think the H-U-M-V-E-E needs a little V-A-S-E-C-T-O-M-Y
Hat Trick: Notice [1d6 = 5]
Agent R: wow tring to get us killed
Based on the satellite images and photographs from the Vancouver police department observations cameras that you review on the way there, it looks like the building is a four-storey brick affair, with a cornerstone showing a building date of 1943. The building seems vacant, with layers of dust on the unbroken windows and rusted escape ladders at several points.
Marcus notices that it looks like you are being followed by a white Honda Accord with two Asian looking men sitting in it.
Hat Trick: Well, at least we can get home cheaply
Agent P: We should drive past and try to lose them... possibly drop some of us out site to double back
Hat Trick notices that it must be hockey night, as he has seen 35 people wandering around with hockey sticks since you left Tim Hortons.
Nessie (Agent R): humvee negotiator....
William Shatner - Humvee: We could just fire the rear-mounted RPGs at them.
Marcus Davidian: that is ill logical will
Agent P: I think the local government would frown on that.
William Shatner - Humvee: Hey, logic has nothing to do with a good time.
Hat Trick: Not if we apologize
Agent P: And, we don't even know for sure they are following us...
William Shatner - Humvee: And I got a great deal on them.
Agent R: you might blow up the precious Tim Hortons
Marcus Davidian wonders how a computer has no logic?
Hat Trick pulls up the Vancouver facebook page and is immediately concerned by a post with a picture of him with a note that says "wanted dead or alive... preferably dead, eh"
The computer AI is based on William Shatner's character from the last year of Boston Legal.
Marcus Davidian (Marcus Davidian): haha nice
Hat Trick: can we reprogram it for Capt Kirk? Then it will be slightly less violent but more shirtless.
Marcus Davidian: haha
Hat Trick: I think that's a fair trade.
Agent P: I think we should program it for TJ Hooker. It's the most likely to follow local laws that way.
William Shatner - Humvee: Oh fine, TJ Hooker it is.
Agent P: So lets try to shake this tail. Marcus hit it!
Asher (Hat Trick): There is a sudoku game on the Tim Hortons website in which you use different donut types. I may never play another video game again.
Agent R: our humvee is going to be a hooker? this sounds worse
William Shatner - Humvee immediately slows down to the speed limit and activates all the Speed Trap Cameras at every Intersection, boosting the revenue of the VPD by 150%.
GM: Donut Sudoku is so wrong on so many levels.
William Shatner - Humvee: I'm sorry, we can't exceed the speed limit unless there is a prudent legal reason for it based on current Vancouver police regulations for a non-police vehicle.
Nessie (Agent R): who is tj hooker?
GM: It was a cop show William Shatner starred in in the early 80s.
Nessie (Agent R): thank you
Is Marcus going to try and take control of the Humvee and lose the tailing Honda Accord?
Marcus Davidian tail the honda still
GM: The Honda is tailing you, do you want to try and lose them?
Hat Trick: Do they look like real Asians or the inflatable auto-pilot from Airplane?
Marcus Davidian (Marcus Davidian): o ok driving check?
WORSE - They are Asians wearing LA Kings jerseys!
Marcus Davidian (Marcus Davidian): lol
GM: Yes, driving check, Marcus.
Marcus Davidian: Driving [1d6 = 9]
Marcus takes control of the Humvee, floors it and makes a couple sharp turns going the wrong way down some one way streets. Then he figures out what the "chameleonine camouflage" button does and starts waiting patiently for it to "charge up" before he can push it.
Hat Trick: These guys must be aliens!
Marcus Davidian: f yeah cloak ability!!
GM: Notice checks.
Marcus Davidian: Notice [1d6 = 5]
Hat Trick: Notice [1d6 = 5]
Agent R: Notice [1d6 = 10]
Agent R notices the Honda Accord whiz by, deftly avoiding all the oncoming traffic at a speed of 160kmph. The Asian guys are looking around and barely paying attention to where they are driving.
Hat Trick notices that you must be in a part of town that has a huge number of San Jose Sharks fans.
Nessie (Agent R): I report my findings to all
Hat Trick: Wow... How are these people still alive?
Marcus notices that the Honda Accord clearly has been drastically modified, and it has bulletproof windows.
Agent R: Those guys are going to crash into us if we aren't careful they are even looking at what they are doing.
Agent P notices that the VIGBL seems to be using his computer to catch up on Psych episodes via Netflix.
Marcus Davidian try not getting hit by them after I activate the camouflage.
Marcus Davidian: Driving [Critical failure!] [1d8 = 1]
GM: Hmm...
Marcus Davidian: lol
GM: Would you like to use a Benny?
Marcus Davidian: yes
Marcus Davidian is using a benny
Marcus Davidian: Driving [Trait roll was a natural 1] [1d6 = 3]
Hat Trick: Wait! I have a bonus to crashing!
Hat Trick: Piloting: Crash {+1 DI: Landing, +2 Ace} [1d6+3 = 6]
GM: Hmm...
Marcus Davidian: lol
Okay, well...this was unexpected.
Agent R: Healing {+1 A&P expert} [1d8+1 = 7]
Marcus Davidian: Healing [Trait roll was a natural 1] [1d6 = 5]
Agent R: for when its needed
Marcus Davidian: to myself
Marcus Davidian (Marcus Davidian): some action haha
Marcus decides that the "R" must mean "RACE" - slams down on the clutch, flings it into R, releases the clutch, and floors the accelerator.
The ETOG Humvee is designed to withstand this kind of behavior by disengaging the human controls. Unfortunately, this has the accidental side effect of slipping the car into Neutral.
The Honda Accord then smashes into the back of the "invisible" Armored Humvee, smashing violently into it and managing to mangle both vehicles together.
William Shatner - Humvee: OH MY GOD! CALL A PROCTOLOGIST! I HAVE AN ACCORD IN MY ASS!
Hat Trick: You asked for it.
The LA Kings wearing Asians seem to be horribly stunned by the sudden smashing into a stationary and much heavier vehicle, in addition to the air bags deploying and not wearing seat belts.
Agent R: We should pull over and help the pull the asians out.
Marcus Davidian looks for damage for both cars
Marcus Davidian: Repair [1d8 = 3]
Marcus Davidian: really?
Agent R: Notice [1d8 = 6]
Agent P: I get out... run over to the Asian car, and take a blood sample.
Marcus steps out of the vehicle and notices that the Honda Accord is pretty heavily damaged, the Humvee might be repairable pretty quickly.
Hat Trick: The car is bleeding?
Agent P steps out, eager to pull a blood sample from the dazed Asians.
Agent R: of the humans.... (squees)
Marcus Davidian repair the humvee while the others do their thing
Marcus Davidian: Repair [1d8 = 7]
Hat Trick walks up calmly to the offending vehicle and asks for license and registration
Agent R: DI Analytical Planner {+1 } [1d8+1 = 4]
Agent R: DI Autopsies {+1 } [Trait roll was a natural 1] [1d6+1 = 4]
Agent R looks around and notices that all the people wearing San Jose Sharks jerseys have just drawn tubed metallic objects that look vaguely like Flash Gordon ray guns and have taken cover and are pointing them at the Agents.
Marcus, oblivious to the impending hail of laser bolts, slides under the Humvee and starts looking at the transaxle.
William Shatner - Humvee: I think we are about to come under fire. Rerouting power to defensive shields and auxiliary drive shaft.
Agent R: They are packing death rays
VIGBL opens iTunes on Agent P's laptop and starts playing "Danger Zone" from the Top Gun soundtrack.
Agent R: get back in the humvee
Agent R jumps for cover
Hat Trick pulls the driver out of the car and hauls him back to the humvee
Marcus Davidian: cars not repaired yet!!
Hat Trick: Strength [1d6 = 5]
Marcus Davidian: Repair [1d8 = 3]
Agent R: Strength [1d6 = 8]
Hat Trick may or may not be using the driver as a "human" shield
Okay...so this strikes me as a good spot to call it a night. I will go draft up a map and we can pick this up next week as combat commences.